I never imagined I would be navigating the world of special needs parenting. Yet, here I am.
What I didn’t foresee was the pushback I encountered from another mother when it came to acknowledging my child’s potential challenges.
Over the past eight years, my partner and I have welcomed four children into our family through adoption. Two of them have since received diagnoses identifying them as having special needs. During one particularly difficult phase for one of my kids, a friend’s comment struck me like a bolt of lightning. That day, I had spent countless hours trying to get off the nine-month waiting list for a local developmental center, eager to connect with a specialist.
While discussing my child’s troubling behaviors and escalating symptoms—some she had also observed in her own child—I mentioned that we would be attending a preschool evaluation soon. I expressed concerns about how well my child could thrive without necessary accommodations in place.
After a long silence, she offered her opinion: “You just want exceptions. Kids need to adapt to the real world, not receive special treatment.”
Her words left me feeling both offended and heartbroken. I also felt sympathy for her child. After all, her child exhibited similar issues to mine. Yet instead of reaching out for help and support from other parents in similar situations, she had chosen to ignore the signs while advising me on my own child’s needs. My determination to seek answers sparked her defensiveness and denial.
She proceeded to share misconceptions about children with special needs, and it became clear that her response stemmed from fear and a lack of understanding. She was grappling with the possibility that there might be something “wrong” with her child.
The unwillingness to pursue a proper diagnosis and to create a thoughtful support plan ultimately harms the child. They feel the impact during playdates when peers shy away from their repetitive behaviors. They struggle in school when they can’t keep up with basic academic tasks or when they have meltdowns in public spaces. They face consequences from caregivers, teachers, and parents for behaviors they cannot control, and they often miss out on crucial therapies, interventions, and support.
If you’re wondering if your child may have special needs but are hesitant to confront the possibility, you’re not alone. Perhaps your child experiences intense tantrums that seem to last well beyond the toddler years. Maybe your son is fixated on a specific brand of chips that must be served in a particular bowl. Or perhaps your daughter’s teacher has sent you multiple notes about her hyperactivity, which you’ve tucked away in a drawer.
I understand how daunting the unknown can be. You may worry that your child’s challenges reflect on your parenting, your genetics, or other factors. It can feel more comfortable to ignore the signs rather than face the reality of the situation. The mere thought of the future can be overwhelming.
However, I urge you not to lose hope and to face the truth head-on. Regardless of the origin of your child’s needs—whether they stem from genetics or environmental factors—your primary responsibility is to love, support, and advocate for your child just as they are right now. Denial won’t alter the reality, but failing to act can be detrimental to your child’s well-being.
By gathering your observations and concerns and discussing them with your child’s pediatrician, you’re taking an important step toward a diagnosis. A diagnosis is not the end; it’s a beginning. It’s a gateway that opens up new possibilities for your child.
Yes, there will be hurdles and frustrations along the way. Parenting a child with special needs can be overwhelming, exhausting, and often confusing. But being a parent to these incredible kids is also a privilege. I walk into every school meeting and medical appointment armed with research, questions, and determination. I am not shy about advocating for my child’s needs; I am relentless in my pursuit of what they require to thrive.
The sooner you acknowledge your child’s needs, the better off both you and your child will be. You will become their strongest advocate and biggest supporter, refusing to let anyone dismiss your concerns or undermine your child’s potential.
Rise to the occasion, even if you feel shaky or uncertain. Be the parent your child needs, and embrace the unique individual you are so fortunate to call your own. For additional insights on parenting and family challenges, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the journey of parenting a child with special needs can be daunting, yet it is essential to face the reality of your child’s challenges. By seeking a diagnosis, you are opening doors to support and resources that can help your child thrive. Embrace your role as an advocate and prioritize your child’s needs, despite the fears and uncertainties that may arise.