My married life is delightfully routine, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My partner and I have been together for nearly 16 years, and our journey began 21 years ago. Before we had kids, our weekends were filled with sleeping in, family visits, dining out, catching movies, and shopping sprees.
One of our most memorable experiences was a two-week road trip to the East Coast. We explored places like Amish Country, Hershey, the Outer Banks, and Niagara Falls. It was a whirlwind of adventure—who says ice cream at 10 a.m. isn’t a good idea?
However, once we adopted three kids in four years, everything shifted. The concept of date nights quickly vanished. As many parents know, hiring a sitter for three little ones, even for a couple of hours, can be prohibitively expensive. After factoring in the sitter’s fee and dinner costs, adding a movie afterward is simply out of the question.
We often heard that regular date nights were essential for maintaining the spark in our relationship. Experts suggest that couples need to prioritize time together to keep the romance alive, emphasizing the importance of mystery and flirtation. But let’s be honest—when you’re knee-deep in parenting responsibilities, romance takes a backseat. There’s an endless cycle of diapers, spills, sleepless nights, and discipline to tackle.
While I understand the significance of spending quality time with my partner, I wish I could say we go out every Saturday night, leaving our kids in the care of a reliable sitter. The reality? After adopting our fourth child, we realized that traditional date nights were just not feasible anymore. It was time to stop feeling guilty and devise a plan that worked for us.
So, we came up with a simple yet effective alternative: date nights at home. You might wonder how that could be exciting, and the truth is, it’s not particularly thrilling. But we’re perfectly content with our predictable routine.
We start by getting the kids to bed a bit earlier. My partner then heads to our favorite Thai restaurant to grab our usual order while I take a much-needed shower. I throw on a comfy t-shirt from high school and pajama bottoms, pull out a bottle of wine for me and a beer for him, and set the table with plates and utensils. When he returns, we serve up rice and noodles, settle onto the couch, and kick off the movie we’ve rented—usually a comedy or drama. And honestly, it’s pure bliss.
We cherish our lively, chaotic family life, but let’s face it: being a parent of four can be draining. It’s not just physically exhausting; it’s mentally and emotionally taxing too. The thought of getting all dolled up for a fancy dinner doesn’t appeal to me at all.
When we do attempt an evening out, I often find myself glued to my phone, responding to the sitter’s texts about cookie requests or where my son’s toothbrush is hiding. Dining out usually means being seated near a loud family, making our dinner feel more like a parenting seminar than a romantic escape. We end up discussing the kids, family vacations, and job situations rather than rekindling our connection. And let’s be honest, the food often leaves us unsatisfied and slightly annoyed.
So, giving up on the idea of traditional date nights was a relief. Now, our at-home dates allow us to wear whatever we want, enjoy our meals without breaking the bank (under $25 typically), and even have leftovers for the next day. Some might label us as lazy or frugal, but I’d argue it’s a deliberate and economical choice.
As an “old married couple” with four kids, we don’t seek out glitter and glam; we crave relaxation. We’ve also expanded our at-home dates. For one anniversary, we sent the kids to their grandparents and enjoyed a three-day staycation at home. We tackled projects, slept in, and savored meals whenever we pleased.
I believe that date nights aren’t the only way for couples to connect; daily check-ins and understanding each other’s love languages are equally important. Dating at home is practical, saving us time, money, and effort—especially for weary parents.
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In summary, while we may have traded traditional date nights for cozy evenings at home, we’ve found a fulfilling, cost-effective way to connect and nurture our relationship amidst the beautiful chaos of family life.