My son seems to sense when I’m having a tough week. Even though I try to keep my feelings in check, I can’t help but feel like Eeyore when I’m struggling, despite my efforts to maintain a positive front. I believe it’s vital to show my kids that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
Navigating my emotions post-divorce has been challenging. I often grapple with when to wear a smile and when to share my feelings with my children. When their father was around, I could vent to him and save my worries for the times when the kids were asleep. While I have friends and family who provide support, there’s an irreplaceable comfort that comes from sharing life’s burdens with a partner.
After my marriage ended, the absence of that support became palpable. Friends and family have their own lives and challenges, and they can only do so much. Transitioning from a married individual to a divorced one generates an undeniable void.
Being a single parent means you’re carrying the weight alone, regardless of whether the kids are around or not. When they are with me, I strive to be fully present because their childhood is fleeting, and I want to guide them effectively during this time.
Without a direct outlet for my feelings, I’ve noticed my kids becoming more attuned to my emotions. For instance, just yesterday, my 15-year-old son tried to peek beneath my oversized sunglasses—those same ones I wear when I’m feeling down. He began cracking jokes and suggested I relax and watch my favorite show when we got home. He even asked me twice if I was okay.
In that moment, I finally admitted I was feeling sad. I reassured him that it’s perfectly normal to experience such feelings and expressed gratitude for his concern, but reminded him it’s not his job to fix my emotions.
When we arrived home, he surprisingly took out the trash and mowed the lawn without being asked—a rare occurrence! It briefly crossed my mind that perhaps my emotional state was a secret motivator for him, but I was mostly joking.
Ever since their father moved out over two years ago, my sons have been more mindful of my feelings. They’ve always had some awareness, but since the separation, their concern has intensified. It’s heartwarming yet challenging to witness their anxiety when I’m not at my best.
Divorce brings various complexities, and I strive to shield my kids from the emotional rollercoaster. They have their own feelings to navigate, and I want to be there for them without burdening them with my struggles. I cherish the fact that I’m raising empathetic boys, but I fear they might feel compelled to step into their father’s shoes, which is too much for young shoulders to bear.
Whenever my sons leave for visits with their dad, they often inquire about my plans. If I mention staying home, they tend to text me frequently, showing signs of worry. To ease their minds, I’ve started saying, “I’m not sure what I’m doing, probably going out”—even when that just means a cozy evening with my couch and Netflix. But they seem to know better.
Adjusting to life after divorce has been quite a challenge. I don’t want my sons to feel like they have to grow up too quickly or take on the emotional support role for me. I want them to focus on being kids, dealing with school assignments, dances, and sports games, rather than worrying about my emotional well-being.
I’m actively working on a balance between being authentic about my feelings and ensuring they don’t feel responsible for my mood. It’s a delicate dance that I continue to navigate, as I want them to understand that it’s okay to notice how others feel, but it’s not their responsibility to resolve those feelings—or me.
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In summary, navigating my emotions post-divorce has transformed my relationship with my sons. They have become more sensitive to my feelings, and while I appreciate their concern, I’m working hard to ensure they can enjoy their childhood without feeling responsible for my happiness. It’s a journey of finding balance between being open about emotions and not burdening them with grown-up worries.