Sex is meant to be pleasurable, not painful. This applies not only to instances of assault but also to consensual experiences with a partner or during self-pleasure. While I won’t delve into the world of BDSM in this article, everyone has their preferences, and there’s no room for judgment here. However, if you find that you are experiencing pain during sex—especially when it’s unexpected—don’t brush it off, ignore it, or try to push through it. If you have a vagina and enjoy penetration, it’s important to understand the reasons why sex might hurt.
When I refer to penetration, I mean it inclusively, encompassing all individuals with vaginas, including transgender and nonbinary people. This discussion also includes the use of sex toys, fingers, and any object that can be inserted into the vagina. It’s essential to recognize that sexual experiences are not limited to heterosexual couples, and we should keep an open mind as we discuss painful vaginal intercourse.
Sadly, research indicates that around 75% of individuals with vaginas will encounter pain during penetration at some point in their lives. This recurring pain during intercourse is known as dyspareunia. If the discomfort arises from the pelvic floor, it may be classified as vaginismus, which can lead to muscle spasms that make penetration impossible—and should never be forced. Another condition, vulvodynia, refers to chronic pain in the vulva or vagina. Pain during sex can be both physical and psychological in nature.
If you experience pain during sex, the first thing to evaluate is your level of readiness. Rushing into penetration is never a good idea; take your time. A dry vagina can lead to soreness, so ensure you are adequately aroused and lubricated. When the vagina is stimulated, it naturally relaxes and becomes moist. External touching or oral sex can help facilitate this process, and it’s perfectly fine to use a water-based lubricant to enhance enjoyment.
However, if you are fully aroused and still encounter sudden pain, bleeding, burning sensations, or unusual discharge, it could indicate an undiagnosed STI. It’s crucial to get checked out if this is the case.
Another potential issue could involve nerve damage, particularly if you feel numbness or pain in the anus or perineum. The pudendal nerve, which connects these areas, can be injured during childbirth, trauma, or prolonged sitting. This nerve plays a vital role in transmitting sensations from the vagina and clitoris to the brain, so it’s important for it to function properly during intimacy.
Some individuals endure pain every time they engage in sexual activities. If this is your experience, it’s essential to seek help, as chronic pain may be a symptom of endometriosis or cysts. If you notice cervical sensitivity or bleeding, it could indicate a more serious underlying issue. Don’t hesitate to contact your healthcare provider; your sexual health is closely tied to your overall well-being. After all, who wants to have sex if it’s painful? Engaging in sex when you’re not feeling it can lead to even more discomfort since a lack of desire prevents the body from relaxing and self-lubricating.
Moreover, it’s important to acknowledge that not all causes of pain are physical. Traumatic experiences, such as sexual assault or body shaming, can lead to pain even during consensual sex, as these experiences can trigger memories of fear and stress. The autonomic nervous system, which manages both sexual sensations and pain, can cause the body to tighten and disconnect. If you’ve been through trauma, consider speaking with a therapist or discussing it openly with your partner; healing and pleasurable sex are possible with time and support.
Additionally, some might experience cramps after sex, localized behind the pelvic bone or radiating to the back and thighs. Sensitivity to oxytocin released during sex can cause cramping, alongside other issues like urinary tract infections or irritable bowel syndrome.
What Should You Do If Sex Hurts?
Reach out to your healthcare provider. Be honest about your experiences and advocate for your needs. Your doctor can offer solutions and conduct necessary examinations, such as pelvic floor assessments or ultrasounds. Physical therapy with a pelvic floor specialist or counseling may also be beneficial.
If sex is important to you, pursue it! It’s vital to reject the stigma surrounding pleasure and recognize that vaginas are deserving of love and enjoyment. Remember, you never owe sex to anyone—whether a partner or spouse. If you’re not enjoying it or if it causes you anxiety, it’s completely okay to abstain. Trust your instincts; if something feels off, it likely is.
For those who are the penetrative partners, it’s important to remain attuned to your partner’s comfort levels. Pay attention to body language and communicate openly. If your partner tenses or appears uncomfortable, stop and check in. Consent should always be mutual, and both partners should find pleasure in the experience.
For further insights on this topic, you can check out other informative posts on our site, like this one on home insemination for extended discussions around intimacy, health, and well-being. Also, if you’re looking for resources regarding artificial insemination, Cryobaby’s home insemination kit is a great option. For comprehensive information about pregnancy and related topics, MedlinePlus is an excellent resource.
In summary, remember that enjoyable sexual experiences are your right. Never settle for pain, and seek the support you deserve.