Trusting your instincts is a common piece of advice in parenting. This intuition, often referred to as a mother’s intuition, is supposed to guide us when we feel uncertain, anxious about the future, or when something feels off. The idea is that we know our children better than anyone else, allowing us to recognize potential issues as they arise. We can detect the hidden emotions they may not express outside the comfort of home.
I understand the merit of this advice. As parents, we are indeed on the front lines, and we typically have a good sense of when to be concerned or when to adopt a “wait and see” mindset. However, this concept becomes complicated for those of us who struggle with anxiety disorders—like myself.
For anyone who experiences anxiety similarly to me, the phrase “trust your instincts” can feel overwhelming. Why? Because my instincts are usually screaming that something is terribly wrong. I’m often on high alert, consumed by worry. The safety of my children feels like a raw nerve, and my anxiety frequently centers around them, who are the most precious parts of my life.
If I were to rely solely on my instincts, I’d find myself at the emergency room every other day. I would never allow my husband, siblings, or friends to spend time with my kids because I’d be convinced that danger lurks around every corner. When I see a headline about a rare health issue, I can easily spiral into panic, convinced my child with a simple cold is facing a life-threatening condition. I’ll obsessively check on them, losing sleep over the smallest symptoms, praying for their safety even though I’m not particularly religious.
I know this can baffle many. It defies logic, and I’m painfully aware of that. But knowing doesn’t alleviate my anxiety; it only perpetuates a vicious cycle. For instance, if I read about the dangers of young children eating popcorn, I might fall apart if I’ve just let my toddler indulge. I’ll replay every worst-case scenario in my mind, imagining my child undergoing emergency surgery for something that is statistically improbable.
The stress is palpable. I detest the idea of my kids being in a vehicle without me. While I know I can’t prevent every tragedy, at least I can ensure they are safely buckled and that I’m not distracted while driving. Even with my husband, I feel a sense of irrational doubt. Despite knowing he is a caring father, my anxiety convinces me he might overlook a safety detail.
This mindset can be exhausting for both of us. My need for constant reassurance can wear him down, even as he understands my mental health challenges. It’s a relentless battle against the worst-case scenarios that cloud my thoughts, leaving me drained. If there were a way to escape this constant state of heightened anxiety, I would jump at the chance.
I’m proactive about managing my mental health. I’ve spent years learning how to cope, including seeking professional help and employing various self-care strategies like exercise and mindfulness. While these methods do provide some relief, they don’t eradicate my anxiety. Every day, I strive to function as if I don’t have anxiety, at least as close to that state as I can manage. I want to be the mother who doesn’t let a common illness send her into a tailspin.
From an outsider’s perspective, I might seem like a typical, involved parent. I engage in my children’s education, seek support services, and encourage them to have fulfilling experiences. But beneath the surface, I’m continually waging a private battle against my own thoughts. Though I know I’m not alone in this struggle, it often feels isolating.
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In summary, while the idea of trusting your instincts can be empowering for many parents, it can become a daunting challenge for those grappling with anxiety. The struggle to maintain a sense of normalcy and proactive parenting while battling intrusive thoughts can be exhausting. Yet, acknowledging these feelings and seeking support can help navigate this complex journey.