Parenting
Why Mothers Often Experience Overwhelm
By Jessica Hartman
Updated: March 29, 2019
Originally Published: March 29, 2019
Recently, I reached my breaking point. The kitchen resembled a disaster zone, cluttered with discarded socks, shoes, and sweatshirts strewn about haphazardly. Dirty plates adorned the couch while a half-dozen cups cluttered the coffee table. One dog barked incessantly, while the other had just relieved itself on the floor. One child was whining about something trivial, and the other was being downright insufferable.
I had reached my limit. “THAT’S IT,” I shouted. “To your rooms! No phones. No video games. Nothing.”
This, of course, only led to more whining and defiance. “Why are you so angry?!” they protested.
That’s when I truly lost my cool. This pattern is precisely why mothers find themselves overwhelmed. It’s the culmination of countless times we’ve asked them politely to pick up after themselves or to simply place their dirty dishes in the dishwasher—hell, we’d settle for the sink. Our reminders about not yelling during gaming sessions or addressing their siblings respectfully seem to fall on deaf ears. Our calm voices become mere background noise, and chore charts feel like lists we have to nag them to check. It isn’t until we explode in frustration that anyone finally notices our needs.
When they ask for another chance, I can only think, “You’ve had countless opportunities, and I’m exhausted from repeating the same things again and again.”
This is the root of our frustration. We are just so incredibly tired, and it feels like no one acknowledges it. We’re fatigued from constantly reminding them to act decently, to pick up their clothes, to close the toilet seat, and to put their phones down.
We lie awake at night, burdened with worries that others seem to overlook—concerning comments from teachers, potential issues with our tweens’ behavior, or whether we can afford a family getaway. Our fatigue runs deeper than a lack of sleep; it’s a bone-deep exhaustion from managing the emotional weight of our families, navigating our tweens’ tumultuous emotions while wrestling with our own.
Before becoming a mother, I never anticipated the rage that would sometimes bubble to the surface or how often I would find myself overwhelmed. I generally try to maintain a calm demeanor, but the shift from a rational parent to a furious one can happen in an instant.
At times, it’s the sheer messiness of family life that triggers my frustration. There’s chaos everywhere—clutter, grime, and fingerprints on nearly every surface. I’ve cleaned up more messes than anyone should have to in a lifetime.
Other times, it’s anxiety that ignites my anger. Financial stress, work worries, and the nagging doubts about daily occurrences can weigh heavily. There’s an ongoing, low-grade fear of real disasters—like mass shootings or systemic injustices—that lingers in the back of our minds.
We are human, imperfect and prone to mistakes. Sometimes we lose our cool simply because we’re overwhelmed by the chaos that accompanies motherhood and the constant feeling of being out of control. The mental load of parenting is often understated, its effects profound yet difficult to express unless you’re living it.
But here’s the truth: we bear this weight, so how can we not falter at times? It’s not just the physical and emotional well-being of our families we safeguard; we also feel the weight of the world. We are often frustrated and saddened by the reality that the world isn’t what we envisioned for our children. Our lives brim with purpose yet often lack joy. We worry about losing pieces of ourselves, and when we finally snap, it confirms our fears, spiraling into self-doubt and regret.
So, yes, this—gesturing broadly at everything—explains why we sometimes lose it. We deserve compassion, as anyone in our position would similarly experience breakdowns.
The pressure on parents, especially mothers, to be everything for everyone is relentless and exhausting. It feels as though judgment is everywhere, and it’s impossible to win, which takes a toll on us.
Therefore, when you feel yourself on the verge of losing it, remember to be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are validated; you are not “crazy.” You are carrying an immense burden, and it’s okay to drop the ball occasionally.
Dust yourself off, allow yourself to feel, and move forward with the fierce spirit that defines you. After all, that’s what mothers do.
For more insights on family planning and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination. You can also explore artificial insemination kits for a deeper understanding of the topic and find relevant terms and conditions in this blog post.
Summary
Mothers often reach their breaking point due to the overwhelming chaos of family life, the emotional burdens they carry, and the relentless pressure to meet societal expectations. It’s crucial to acknowledge and validate these feelings, allowing space for mothers to recharge and continue their important roles.