Embracing Smallness: Teaching My Daughter to Value Her Height

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In the realm of parenting, fostering self-acceptance in our children is paramount. One day, my daughter Mia, then just three years old, returned home from preschool with a heavy heart. She announced that she could no longer attend the school she adored. When I probed further, tears streamed down her cheeks as she recounted her experience with a growth chart displayed in her classroom. While her peers were marked higher up the chart, Mia’s name lingered at the very bottom, isolated from others. “I’m on the bottom, so I must be the worst,” she lamented, believing that her friends’ height somehow made them superior.

As someone who stands at just 5 feet tall (and that’s with stylish shoes), I resonated with her feelings. Throughout my own childhood, I was always the shortest in class, but it never seemed to affect me like it did Mia. I embraced the perks of being petite, such as easily fitting into the front row for class pictures. “I don’t like being called shorty,” Mia confessed, echoing her frustration.

Instead of dismissing her concerns, I sought to empower her with the positives of being small. For instance, she can dodge raindrops more efficiently than her taller friends, and she can find the best hiding spots during games of hide-and-seek. However, daily, she returned home disheartened by nicknames like “peanut.”

Tragically, the statistics surrounding bullying are alarming; over 160,000 children miss school daily to escape harassment. Research shows that bullying can begin as early as age three, with girls often being the targets of teasing. Experts in trauma emphasize the deep psychological scars that bullying can leave, challenging the old adage that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” While physical wounds heal, the damage inflicted by words can shape a child’s self-esteem for years to come.

I was determined not to let Mia become another statistic. Although I recognized that her classmates’ comments were likely innocent and playful, I worried that being labeled as “short” would erode her confidence during such a crucial developmental stage. In my quest for relatable role models, I scoured books, films, and shows for a short female character who exemplified strength. To my dismay, I found an abundance of tall characters who were celebrated for their attributes, such as Elastigirl from “The Incredibles,” who uses her height to save the day, or Wonder Woman, who stands tall at six feet.

Our society often equates height with advantage and authority. Numerous studies reveal that taller individuals frequently earn higher salaries, and in politics, tall men have historically dominated leadership roles. Of the 45 U.S. presidents, only six have been below average height—the last one, Jimmy Carter, was elected four decades ago.

Mia’s feelings of inadequacy sparked a realization within me: she wasn’t alone in her struggles. Many children feel out of place in a world that often prioritizes conformity to societal norms. As we nurture the next generation, instilling a sense of self-worth and confidence has never been more vital, particularly for young girls.

Ultimately, I knew that lecturing Mia about the benefits of being petite wouldn’t suffice. What she truly needed was guidance on self-acceptance. I often reminded her, “Focus on being the best version of Mia.” While I aimed to avoid giving her false confidence, my goal was straightforward: encourage her to stop comparing herself to her peers—be it in height, social standing, or academics, and instead, concentrate on her unique journey.

Admittedly, shifting her mindset proved challenging. However, over time, it became easier as I modeled the behavior I wanted her to adopt. Mia observes me closely; she sees me get ready each morning, and there were instances when I mentioned wearing heels for important events. Ironically, while I’d never equated height with confidence, I was inadvertently reinforcing that belief in her. Now, as an adult, I’m consciously working to level the playing field between tall and short.

We never broached the subject of growth hormone treatments with our pediatrician, but both Mia and her younger sister, Sophie, would likely qualify for FDA-approved synthetic growth hormone shots. While this path may be suitable for some families, we opted against it. My belief is that if I can instill in Mia a sense of pride in her uniqueness from a young age, she will never perceive her height as a liability.

If you have a young child who society might label as “too short,” engage them in conversations about self-acceptance, highlight their strengths, and celebrate their individuality. Interestingly, shorter individuals possess advantages, such as better “rotational acceleration,” excelling in sports like gymnastics, figure skating, and diving. Even though Mia falls a few inches below the growth curve for her age, my hope is that she will carry her confidence with her, recognizing her inherent value and deservingness of life’s opportunities, regardless of her stature.

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Summary

This article discusses the importance of teaching children, especially girls, to embrace their uniqueness, including height. It emphasizes the challenges of bullying and societal perceptions of height and encourages parents to foster self-acceptance and confidence in their children. By highlighting advantages and celebrating individuality, parents can help their children grow into confident individuals who value themselves for who they are, not how they compare to others.

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