My daughter enjoys a much easier life than I did at her age. My partner and I are actively involved parents, ensuring she has everything she needs and many of the things she desires. We strive to attend every game, performance, or recital, take her on annual vacations, and go above and beyond to show her how loved she is.
Having grown up with parents who were quite distant, I envisioned being the opposite with my children. I thought I would be a nurturing presence, catering to their every whim and hovering around them to keep them safe from harm. I imagined my kids would be enveloped in love and support—that was my plan.
However, after becoming a parent, I realized that my initial approach was unrealistic for a variety of reasons. For one, I quickly found out that parenting is exhausting. Just being present with kids can wear you out, let alone managing their needs. I also noticed that catering to my daughter’s every desire was fostering a sense of entitlement in her. As a result, I established some boundaries and stopped saying yes to everything. I explained to her the importance of independence, and while she may not always agree with my decisions, she understands my reasoning.
While I’m happy to do many things for her, there are certain things I simply won’t do:
- Prepare Her Lunch
Since first grade, my daughter has packed her own lunch. After realizing she didn’t like what we prepared, we let her take charge. Even when she tried to hand the task back to us last year, we declined. This responsibility helps her be mindful of food waste and gives me a few extra minutes to get ready in the morning. - Clean Her Room
I believe having a personal space is a luxury, and maintaining it is her responsibility. While I do provide guidance and tips every few months, the day-to-day cleaning is entirely up to her. - Return Home for Forgotten Items
My daughter can be quite easily distracted, especially when screens are involved. While I’m willing to remind her occasionally, I won’t turn the car around because she was too engrossed in watching videos to gather her things. - Provide Excessive Cash for Field Trips
During my teaching days, I was surprised by how much money some parents gave their kids for field trips. I’m already covering tuition and a field trip fee, so I’ll give her a few dollars but not enough to buy overpriced souvenirs. - Buy Her Something Every Time We Shop
I no longer feel guilty about treating myself while shopping. Just because I’m at the store doesn’t mean she gets a new toy or treat. Sometimes I’m only shopping for myself, and I’m perfectly okay with that. - Choose Gifts for Her Friends’ Birthdays
I know my daughter doesn’t have any money, so I’ll pay for her gifts, but I won’t choose them for her. If she doesn’t remind me to get something, I won’t feel bad letting her attend a party without a present. - Pack Her Backpack
When I leave the house, I’m often juggling multiple bags, and I expect my daughter to manage her own book bag. She’s perfectly capable of handling that. - Remind Her to Complete Homework
Each day, her fourth-grade teacher sends homework home. I’ll ask once what needs to be done, but after that, it’s her responsibility to manage her time. Her teacher provides a planner to help, so if she forgets, that’s on her. - Permit Rudeness
While my kids aren’t obligated to hug anyone, they must respond to greetings. Basic manners like saying please and thank you are essential in our family. - Say “Yes” When Pressured
I dislike being put on the spot. After some time of giving in to avoid being the “mean mom,” I’ve learned to say no when asked for favors in front of friends. This has reduced my discomfort and allowed my daughter to pursue what she wants more often. - Cook Separate Meals
While I’m not as strict as my parents were, I won’t prepare a different dinner if my daughter doesn’t want what I make. She’s welcome to make something for herself if she chooses.
I’m not a harsh mom; I genuinely love my daughter. However, I’ve found that when she takes on responsibilities, she appreciates the efforts of others more. My goal is to raise a grateful, independent, and self-sufficient young woman, and I believe it’s worth the criticism I may receive for allowing her to handle these tasks.
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Summary:
This piece discusses the author’s approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of fostering independence and responsibility in her daughter. While she is dedicated to her child’s well-being, she sets clear boundaries on certain tasks, encouraging her daughter to take initiative and appreciate what she has.