When I share that I have only one child, the reactions I receive range from bewildered amusement to genuine concern. It’s almost as if I’ve confessed to giving my child a dangerous substance after snack time. Some of the most memorable comments include: “You only have one child?” and “Aren’t you worried your kid will be lonely when she grows up?”
While I understand that many people mean well, I occasionally find myself spiraling into guilt over whether my child will miss out on the sibling bond. Will she resent me for it? However, after some reflection, I’ve come to terms with my decision to have just one child. Here are my reasons:
1. Childcare Expenses
In my area, full-time daycare for infants costs around $2,000 a month, while toddler and preschool care ranges from $1,300 to $1,700. My family simply can’t afford that. We could consider racking up credit card debt to cover these expenses, but that’s not a route I want to take. Moreover, we don’t have relatives who can provide affordable childcare. Both my partner and I work full-time just to meet our basic needs. Unfortunately, we don’t qualify for government assistance because our income is deemed “too high,” yet it’s not enough to support the costs of a second child.
2. Social Connections for My Child
My daughter has a robust circle of friends and even considers her best friend and that friend’s brother as her “siblings,” despite not being related. She enjoys regular playdates and social interactions both at school and outside of it. We even took a trip to Disneyland with one of her friends and their family. Although she doesn’t have a brother or sister, she certainly has plenty of opportunities to play and bond with her friends.
3. Limited Support System
While I appreciate the help I’ve received from family, the reality is that most of my loved ones lead busy lives. Everyone is juggling full-time jobs and other responsibilities, leaving little room for additional assistance. Last year, my mother-in-law was able to step in when my daughter fell ill, but she has since found a job. Now, my partner and I rely solely on our limited paid sick leave, which barely covers our current needs. Adding another child into the mix would complicate our already tight schedule.
4. High Expectations for Parents
I believe that the bar for parenting has been set higher than ever before. While past generations faced their own challenges, the pressure on today’s parents is immense. I recall a time when I could roam the neighborhood park with friends without parental supervision. Nowadays, if I step away from my child for even a moment, I might receive disapproving glares. The pressure to meet these expectations is exhausting, and managing my responsibilities with just one child already takes a toll on me.
5. My Amazing Daughter
Despite the challenges, my daughter is an incredible blessing. The joys of parenting her far outweigh any doubts I may have about having a second child. She is emotionally and physically healthy, thriving in her school and social environment. Interestingly, she has expressed that she doesn’t want siblings, which further reassures me that our family dynamic is just right for us.
While some may argue that having a sibling could be beneficial, I feel secure in my decision to raise my daughter as an only child.
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Summary:
In conclusion, I don’t feel remorseful about having just one child due to the high costs of childcare, my child’s extensive social network, the limitations of my support system, the pressures of modern parenting, and the joy my daughter brings into my life.