I need to share something difficult, something that’s weighed heavily on me for a long time. It’s a story that many women know all too well, but it’s still incredibly painful to tell. I was raped. I said no, repeatedly, but I was intoxicated, and he took advantage of me. For a long time, I thought it was my fault until someone helped me see that I was a survivor of assault. Yet, despite this understanding, I still carry feelings of guilt and shame, terrified of how those closest to me might react.
Finding the Words
How do I even begin to say, “Mom, I was raped”? It’s taken me years to process this trauma. Recovering from such an experience is a long and arduous journey, filled with dark nights, flashbacks, and a lingering fear. I’ve often found myself waking up in terror, not wanting to be touched, feeling triggered by reminders of the past. Sometimes, all I want is my mom.
I want to tell you this, not just for me, but for all those who feel unable to voice their pain. So here it is, Mom: I was raped. He overpowered me even after I said no. Yes, I had been drinking, but that doesn’t justify what happened. I was frightened and didn’t want this to occur. I remember lying there, eyes closed, wishing it would end, and afterward, I took a shower, feeling dirty and ashamed. I still feel that way at times.
The Weight of Shame
Now, as I write this, I feel that shame creeping back in. I’m scared of your questions—what they might uncover. You might not understand the nuances of this experience or the best way to respond. You might ask why I didn’t report it, who he was, or why I was in that situation. The deeper questions scare me even more: Why was I drinking? Why was I at his place? I know you never wanted to think of me as sexually active, just as I don’t want to envision you in that light.
There’s a fear that I’ll end up comforting you instead of receiving support myself. I still need reassurance. The questions you ask could reignite the doubts I’ve battled since that day: This was your fault. You should feel ashamed.
Breaking the Silence
What if you reveal that you, too, faced something similar? There’s no clear way to navigate this conversation. It’s chaotic, filled with raw emotions. But I need you to know this: You are important to me. What happened to me is a part of my life that I cannot erase, but it does not define me. It motivates me to assist others who have experienced similar pain. When I’m involved with organizations that support survivors, it’s because I want to help, and because I understand their struggles firsthand.
Mom, I was raped. It was terrifying, and it took me so long to come to terms with it. I’m sorry if this brings sadness to you or makes you feel I didn’t trust you. That was never my intention; I feared that you would feel ashamed for me.
The Journey of Recovery
I have been on a long road of recovery, and while it improves day by day, the memories linger. The violation will never fully fade but can be transformed into something that helps others. I want to share this with you because I love you, and I don’t want to keep hiding.
So, Mom, I was raped. Can you hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay? It’s not, really. But when you say it is, I feel a little bit of assurance that I am okay. I need that from you.
Love,
[Your Name]
Resources for Support
For more information on the journey of recovery and to find support resources, you might want to check this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination: NHS – Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). Also, if you’re interested in learning more about self-insemination, visit Make a Mom – Artificial Insemination Kit, as they are an authority on the topic. And for further guidance on navigating these conversations, I suggest reading through our terms and conditions at Intracervical Insemination – Terms and Conditions.
In Summary
This letter addresses the painful experience of sexual assault and the challenges of discussing it with loved ones. It emphasizes the importance of support and understanding in healing, while also encouraging open communication about difficult topics.