From the moment I turned 9, I found myself sporting an unfortunate perm. My mother, tired of battling my fine, tangled hair, decided that a DIY perm was the answer to our woes. The result? I looked like a walking advertisement for 1980s hairstyles. My hair was twisted into tight pink rollers, and the stench of the chemicals was enough to make me gag. After the final rinse, I would gaze at my new curly do in the mirror and think, “Well, this is as good as it gets.”
The unspoken message I received, which I’m sure my mother never intended, was that something was inherently wrong with me and my natural hair. I accepted this notion without question, leading me to damage my hair further with perms well into my early adulthood.
Of course, the ’80s were all about excess—bigger hair, shoulder pads, and boom boxes. Many girls around me embraced their frizzy locks, but I struggled with the belief that my own hair was unacceptable. My mother never directly criticized me, yet I internalized this idea and carried it into my adult life.
As a parent now, I strive to avoid sending similar unintended messages to my daughters. It can be challenging, as there are moments when we unintentionally slip into critique mode. Before expressing a thought, it’s essential to consider how our words might be perceived.
Examples of Communication
Here are some examples of what I’ve said versus what my daughters might have heard:
- What I said: “Are you sure that outfit works? Maybe reconsider the green plaid shorts with the pink-and-black zebra stripe shirt?”
What my daughter heard: You think my outfit is ugly and that I can’t dress myself. - What I said: “That side ponytail looks a bit messy.”
What my daughter heard: You think my hairstyle is silly. - What I said: “I can see your butt crack in those jeans.”
What my daughter heard: You think I’m too big for my pants. - What I said: “Is it time for a hair wash?”
What my daughter heard: Criticism, criticism, criticism. - What I said: “Your friend wears her cutoffs a little high.”
What my daughter heard: You think my friend is inappropriate. - What I said: “If you saved your allowance like your sister instead of buying junk, you could get that neat Lego set.”
What my daughter heard: You love my sister more than me.
These examples illustrate how easy it is to unintentionally critique our children’s choices. While guidance is crucial in parenting, it’s essential to recognize the line between guidance and unwarranted skepticism. Our kids are quick to internalize our assessments.
As I work through the knots in my youngest daughter’s fine hair after her bath, I often want to shout, “Let’s just chop it off already!” But her hair is hers, and it grows the way it does for a reason. I wouldn’t change a thing about who they are at their core.
For more insights on parenting and how to foster a positive environment for your kids, check out this other blog post. If you’re also navigating the journey of pregnancy, consider visiting this link for excellent resources. Additionally, you might want to check out this reputable online retailer of at-home insemination syringe kits.
In conclusion, as parents, we must be mindful of our words and how they can impact our children’s self-perception. Open communication and positive reinforcement can help our kids grow with confidence and authenticity.
Leave a Reply