When planning my wedding, my foremost priority was to ensure that everyone enjoyed themselves. Friends and family were traveling from across the country, and I wanted to make the day as relaxed as possible. I was definitely not a bridezilla; in fact, I aimed to create a comfortable environment for everyone involved, especially my bridal party.
I won a contest that allowed my bridesmaids to select their dresses for free from a popular retailer. I was quite relaxed about their choices. Each of my friends had different body shapes, and I wanted them to feel confident, so I encouraged them to pick whatever made them happy. From shoes to accessories to hairstyles, everything was left up to them, with the only stipulation being the color I chose.
The wedding turned out beautifully. My close friends often reminisce about how special that day was, and even years later, I find myself flipping through the wedding photos. They bring back memories of what I consider one of the most joyful days of my life.
However, while looking through those photos recently, I made a shocking discovery. My best friend was wearing a dress. Although she had worn dresses before, for nearly a decade leading up to my wedding, she had opted for pants and button-up shirts instead of traditional women’s attire. She has a fantastic sense of style and always looks great.
As I scrolled through the images, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I had never even thought to ask her if she would prefer wearing pants or a suit instead of a dress. It struck me how inconsiderate I had been.
We’ve been friends for almost twenty years, having grown close since high school and maintaining that bond through college and beyond. She knows all my secrets, and I trust her completely. Yet, I failed to consider her preferences for my big day.
The truth is, I wouldn’t have minded if she chose something other than a dress. I didn’t have a rigid vision for how my wedding should appear. But that’s not the point; what matters is that I should have been aware of her comfort and given her the option.
When people claim that race, gender, or sexuality doesn’t matter to them, they risk overlooking the very essence of a person—just as I did. Despite believing myself to be open-minded, I missed an opportunity to show real love and support for my best friend. This realization disgusts me, especially since I understand the feeling of being disregarded.
Once I recognized my oversight—nearly five years later—I reached out to her. She reassured me that it was okay and that her focus had been on ensuring I had a magical day. This only made me feel worse, knowing she had gone out of her way to make my wedding special. I should have been a better ally to a dear friend and I regret that I missed the chance.
While I can’t change my wedding day, I now realize that I need to be more mindful of the needs and preferences of those around me to avoid repeating this mistake.
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In summary, reflecting on my wedding day has brought to light the importance of being considerate and inclusive of my friends’ preferences, ensuring that I create an environment where everyone feels valued and comfortable.