Certain expressions from children can instantly halt us in our tracks. Phrases like …
- “Uh oh …”
- “Shut up!”
- “Mom, I’m sorry, I …”
- “I can’t hold it.”
- “Whoops!”
- “Shhh … she’s coming.”
Recently, I encountered a new one. I often refer to myself as a sluggish, snooze-button-loving sloth. My plan is to exercise in the mornings, but due to this unfortunate habit, I usually end up squeezing it in during the evenings, right after dinner and before attending to my child’s needs.
One evening, while I was in the basement, just ten minutes into an 80-Day Obsession workout, my daughters came downstairs. Emma, my eldest, had transformed the space into an obstacle course, encouraging her sisters with commands like “Jump higher!” “Run faster!” and “Do it like this!” They were giggling, clad in their hand-me-down sports bras, and radiating pure joy.
About 20 minutes in, my middle daughter, Lily, dashed over, breathless, and proudly declared, “Look how much weight I lost.” I paused, caught off guard by the profound weight of her words. “Wow! I think you look really strong,” I responded, desperately searching for a positive, child-development-approved comeback. She raised her eyebrows, glanced at her biceps, shrugged, and returned to her play, satisfied with the interaction. I, however, was not.
With each squat and leg lift that followed, I felt myself sinking into a pit of shame. After finishing my workout, I approached my partner, expressing my dismay over our language around body image. “We need to stop discussing our weight,” I asserted. He nodded, half-listening while doing the dishes. “I mean it. Lily just said she lost weight, and it bothered me. We must focus on strength from now on, no more complaining about our bodies or what we eat.”
Body image issues are a legacy passed down from previous generations, who sought validation through diets, weight-loss programs, and media influences. This cycle of self-criticism has been perpetuated through the ages, creating an ongoing struggle with self-acceptance.
Reflecting on my childhood, I remember my mother’s fondness for peanut M&Ms. After dinner, she would relax on the floor next to her bed, indulging in her favorite treat while I scratched her back. It seemed innocent back then, just a nightly ritual. But now, as I reach for my own evening indulgence of 72% dark chocolate, I notice my daughters watching closely. They might even say, “Watch the sugar, mama.” It’s not judgment; it’s a reflection of the patterns I’ve unintentionally set.
Despite my efforts to promote a healthy mindset, I find my daughters echoing phrases I once thought were harmless. During a conversation with a coworker, I learned her son, at only six, also feels the need to comment on his body. At what point did this begin? I certainly don’t recall worrying about my appearance until much later, around middle school, when peer comparisons started to impact my self-esteem.
My friend shared a memory from first grade where students were weighed while holding pumpkins. She vividly remembered feeling sick to avoid stepping on the scale, even though she was not significantly heavier than her peers.
We all share some responsibility for perpetuating these feelings. Personally, I’ve been known to lament about my food choices or joke about my “food baby” after indulging, all while attempting to counteract it with motivational quotes from social media about body positivity.
How do we break this cycle? How can we empower the next generation to appreciate their bodies, to feel strong and capable, rather than ashamed? The responsibility of self-care is immense – composed of countless decisions each day. It’s essential to shift our focus away from societal pressures regarding weight loss and toward the beauty of nurturing our bodies.
I may not have all the answers, but thanks to the innocent observation of a child, I’m beginning to recognize the importance of this issue for our children. Change must start somewhere, and it can begin with us choosing a more positive narrative about our bodies.
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Summary:
This article explores the impact of language around body image, particularly in the context of parenting. It discusses personal experiences with body image issues passed down through generations, emphasizing the need for a shift towards a positive narrative about strength and health. The author reflects on the importance of being mindful of the messages we send to children about their bodies.