When it comes to getting my children involved in household chores, I admit, I used to be quite the nag. While pestering them isn’t how I envisioned my parenting journey, I found it preferable to doing everything on my own.
In the beginning, I would gaze at the stack of dirty dishes left on the table and, with a deep breath, I’d casually ask my kids to clear them away. I tried to keep my tone light, attempting to make the task seem trivial and concealing my frustration. I often wished they’d respond with a cheerful, “Sure, Mom!” But more often than not, I faced heavy sighs and creative excuses—like one child always needing to use the bathroom when it was time to help out. The whole process was nearly as exhausting as washing the dishes myself.
I realized I was taking their reluctance too personally. When they whined about chores or ignored my requests, it felt like a reflection of my parenting. Did their unwillingness to help mean they didn’t appreciate me? My attempts to nudge them into action often came across as desperate and angry, which wasn’t the kind of mom I wanted to be. I longed for them to willingly pitch in.
I know it sounds irrational; after all, what child enjoys chores? Did I really think my kids didn’t care about me just because they wouldn’t happily walk the dog or tidy their rooms? The chores that come with being a parent felt like a thankless burden, and I couldn’t handle the disappointment of asking for help only to be rejected. After a couple rounds of their eye rolls, I ended up dismissing them in frustration, only to find myself cleaning in a rage.
Before you judge me, I want to clarify that I’m not one to do everything for my kids. Sure, when they were younger, asking a toddler to help with the dog often resulted in a mess. However, as they grew older, I introduced them to simple chores, which they immediately resisted. I’ve tried various tactics to motivate them—chore charts, sticker rewards, positive reinforcement—but these methods never yielded lasting results. Eventually, reminding them to help became more stressful than doing the tasks myself. I admit, I lost my temper on several occasions, which made them comply but left me feeling guilty.
Then it hit me: perhaps I couldn’t change their attitudes, but I could definitely change mine. I decided to compartmentalize the issues of chores and my emotional response. If I could stop viewing their lack of enthusiasm as a personal affront, then nagging wouldn’t be as painful. By sticking to my reminders without allowing my feelings to cloud the situation, I found I could be more persistent without backing down.
After a few years of this approach, I can say it generally works. I still dislike nagging, and I daydream about the day my kids will tackle their chores without prompting. But the reality remains: chores need to be done, and I want their help. Now, I understand that their eye rolls aren’t about me—they’re simply about doing chores instead of whatever else they’d prefer (like using the bathroom). I’ve learned to keep reminding them, to be patient, and not to take their resistance personally.
And guess what? I haven’t had a meltdown over cleaning in over a month!
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Summary
Navigating household chores with kids can be frustrating, especially when they resist helping out. By shifting my perspective and separating my emotions from their reluctance, I’ve found a way to encourage my children to participate without taking their responses personally. This approach has led to a more peaceful home environment where chores get done without the emotional turmoil that used to accompany them.