Recently, I’ve been opening up about the sleep training challenges we’ve faced with our six-month-old. After sharing my struggles online, I was overwhelmed by messages from others who are navigating similar issues. It’s no surprise—getting a baby to sleep through the night is one of the most sought-after achievements for parents. However, the advice on how to approach it is often contradictory: let them cry it out, comfort them, pick them up, or leave them be. With so many differing opinions, it’s hard to know the right path.
Figuring out the best approach for sleep training can be daunting, and implementing any plan while severely sleep-deprived is even tougher. We’ve found it incredibly challenging, and I know many others feel the same way. Though I don’t pretend to be a sleep expert (our recent nights would suggest otherwise), I genuinely believe you should trust your instincts when it comes to your baby’s sleep training.
Here’s why I will always choose to comfort my baby:
A few months ago, I stumbled upon a poignant story online that has resonated with me ever since. The author described a visit to an orphanage abroad, where she was initially struck by the sheer number of infants being cared for. But what truly stood out was that none of the babies were crying. They lay quietly in their cribs, some asleep and others awake, but none were in distress.
When she inquired how the caretakers managed to keep the babies so calm, the response was heartbreaking. The caretaker explained that there were simply too many infants for each to be picked up whenever they needed attention. Over time, these babies learned that no matter how long or intensely they cried, no one would come to comfort them. Eventually, they stopped crying altogether.
I had just given birth when I read this, and it brought me to tears. Even now, the thought of those babies without anyone to respond to their needs stirs deep emotions in me. And here I was, contemplating whether or not to pick up my own child during her sleep struggles. It made me question my choices. While I understand the importance of teaching self-soothing, I wrestle with the fine line between that and feelings of abandonment.
So, what’s the solution? My partner, Tom, and I have been discussing how to tackle our current sleep issues. We’ve received plenty of advice suggesting we let our baby cry it out, and we’ve tried that approach. Yet, something just doesn’t feel right about it.
I shared the orphanage story with Tom, and I found myself tearing up once more. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation getting to me, but the story’s impact was undeniable. As a parent, one of my core values is ensuring my children know they can always count on me. Critics may argue that part of that assurance includes teaching them to sleep independently, but when I hear my daughter crying in her room, my instincts scream that I should pick her up.
After discussing it with Tom, we made a decision. For now, we will pick up our daughter when she needs us. In the future, perhaps we’ll revisit the cry-it-out method, but for now, we prefer not to let her cries escalate. We want to provide her with comfort and reassurance, rather than letting a timer dictate when to intervene. If the moment calls for it, I might even let her sleep in my arms, cherishing those fleeting moments.
While I might be on the verge of sleep deprivation (is that even possible?!), I hope that those babies in the orphanage eventually find loving families. I hope they learn they are cared for and that someone is there to pick them up when they need it.
For further insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our other blog posts here. Additionally, resources like Make a Mom and WHO on pregnancy can provide valuable information.
Summary:
The author reflects on the challenges of sleep training her six-month-old, sharing a moving story about babies in an orphanage who learned not to cry because no one would pick them up. This prompts her to trust her instincts and choose to comfort her baby instead of following traditional sleep training advice, emphasizing the importance of being there for her child.