About six months ago, I started the divorce process with my husband, and it was a time filled with uncertainty and emotional turmoil. When I finally confided in a close, unmarried friend about my situation, her reaction was predictable—a mix of sympathy and concern. She placed her hand on mine and expressed her sorrow in a crowded café. As others offered their condolences, I realized that while they felt for me, none were truly surprised.
Over the years, my husband and I had evolved into our authentic selves, proud of who we had become, yet those versions of ourselves no longer aligned. I wasn’t seeking pity; I simply wanted recognition of the struggle, not just for me but for him as well.
Divorce, despite being relatively common—with around 42% of marriages expected to end in dissolution—remains one of life’s most challenging experiences. It is laden with legal complexities, financial adjustments, and often, co-parenting arrangements. According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, it ranks as the second most distressing life event, just after the loss of a spouse.
Reflecting on my own experience, I realized I allowed the weight of my divorce to drown me, overwhelming me with despair every single day. I didn’t pause to consider how to navigate this journey effectively—not just for my kids, but for myself.
Here’s a letter I wish I could have received at the start of my divorce:
Dear Friend,
You are stronger than you realize. I believe in you.
This journey is about you, not him, so let’s focus on you for now. You need to elevate yourself beyond his opinions and actions.
While you may have once been a team because of your children, it’s essential to recognize that this is also a time for self-discovery. Imagine that there’s another game happening, one where you are the sole player. You’re not just a participant; you’re the coach, and there’s no substitute. Your children are watching; make them proud of the person you’re becoming.
Divorce is undeniably tough. Many days will be filled with what feels like unbearable misery. You’ll seek counsel from friends who’ve been through similar situations. Their advice may come wrapped in silence, and it may not always be what you want to hear.
It’s like being a child caught in a snowstorm for the first time. You’re bundled up, but the cold still hits your face hard. Your family, who knows these storms, will walk alongside you and offer support, but you might struggle to understand their reassurances.
Remember, being lonely during divorce is part of the process. It’s okay to feel alone; it’s also important to prioritize your well-being. Self-care is essential, and it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Focus on spending quality time with your children, and also carve out moments for yourself to reflect on your feelings.
You’ve mentioned wishing others would meet you where you are instead of trying to change the past or dictate your future. Make sure you’re doing the same for yourself. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment; they are valid as they are.
Before long, you might find joy in your own company and begin to envision brighter days ahead. This doesn’t mean you have to abandon your past dreams, but instead, create a new path that resonates with who you are today.
Divorce is a significant life event, and there’s no way to downplay its impact. To cope, consider simplifying your life. Prioritize time with your children and engage in small, meaningful activities together. Minimize distractions and focus on what truly matters.
Say “no” to overwhelming commitments and “yes” to moments at home. Cook easy meals, enjoy conversations about interests, and read together. Declutter your space by donating unneeded items and keep your personal life manageable by reaching out only to those who genuinely support you.
You can get through this. I look forward to the person you’ll become.
With love,
Yourself.
In Summary
Navigating through divorce is an arduous process that requires patience, self-reflection, and a commitment to personal growth. By focusing on self-care and prioritizing your needs, you can emerge stronger and ready to embrace the next chapter of your life. For more insights on the journey of home insemination and pregnancy, you can check out this informative resource on infertility statistics and explore the comprehensive at-home insemination kit.