It was a Sunday night at 9 p.m., and the latest episode of my favorite show was about to begin. I finally settled onto the couch, baby monitor in hand, glancing at my little one, Mia, who was fast asleep. After a hectic weekend, the looming workweek felt overwhelming. The last thing I wanted was to strap myself to that breast pump—a device I had come to despise. Having returned to work a month earlier, pumping had become a burdensome obligation. I found myself plugging in on the commute and during lunch, often missing important meetings, all to ensure I was home in time for Mia’s next feeding. Feeding her had transformed into a stressful chore.
As the theme song played, I looked over at my partner, Mark, who was enjoying a beer and ready to unwind. He had been my biggest supporter from the start, but he wasn’t the one who had to assemble a complicated machine and hook it up for 30 minutes. In the back of my mind, I recalled my mother, who was caring for Mia while I was at work, mentioning she had bought formula “just in case.” My initial reaction was anger; how could she doubt my commitment? I was determined to make this work.
The first two weeks were particularly challenging, as I adjusted to this new reality. Once I accepted it and made a commitment, pumping became part of my routine. I managed to freeze about 30 ounces during my maternity leave, giving me a buffer for days when I couldn’t pump enough. I felt more optimistic as I set my goal: to pump until the end of the school year, and then I could finally rid myself of that contraption. I was proud to say that I achieved my goal. However, I began to realize the toll it took on my well-being.
Pumping often turned into more than just a minor inconvenience. My social life dwindled because I couldn’t be away for longer than a workday without worrying about milk supply. Despite trying different flanges and investing in a new pump, I remained sore and stressed. I became fixated on the pumping schedule, snapping at Mark and my mom over comments about it. Even a knock at the door while I was pumping would frustrate me; I couldn’t afford any disruption during those precious minutes.
Yet, amidst the struggle, there were moments when pumping felt rewarding. On days when I produced more than expected, I felt like a superhero, knowing Mia was still benefiting from breastfeeding while I was at work. It comforted me to know I was providing for her, but I also realized I needed to be a happy, balanced mother.
About a month into this routine, my supply diminished. Seeking advice, I joined several breastfeeding groups online and experimented with supply boosters. I tried mother’s milk tea and fenugreek, which only led to discomfort for both me and Mia. I scrolled through pictures of impressive freezer stashes, feeling inadequate for not having pumped enough before returning to work. The thought of waking up at 4 a.m. to pump, even when Mia slept soundly, filled me with dread. I couldn’t bear to interrupt my show for the pump, yet I felt I had to for my baby.
Eventually, I hit a wall. I knew I couldn’t keep going like this. My commitment to breastfeeding remained strong, but I realized I couldn’t sacrifice my mental health. I made the decision to supplement. I would still pump at work, but I drew a firm line: no more waking up to pump or sacrificing my precious downtime. Mia would receive two ounces of formula along with the 12 ounces of breast milk I managed to pump. And that was okay.
To my surprise, the next day, Mia was perfectly fine. Life continued as normal; the world didn’t end, and I was able to enjoy some much-deserved relaxation. To the moms juggling work and nourishing their babies daily, I salute you. For those who tried and couldn’t make it work, I empathize with you. And for the moms who rise early to pump, your dedication is inspiring; you deserve a gold medal if breastfeeding were a sport.
To the moms feeling the pressure and struggling, remember that pumping doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing endeavor. Setting boundaries for myself provided relief and allowed me to find balance. I was less stressed and more present when I prioritized my own well-being. Supplementing saved my breastfeeding relationship and my enjoyment of motherhood. It kept Mia content and allowed my mom to care for her without anxiety. Our time together is precious, and maintaining quality of life is vital.
Let’s prioritize our mental health amidst the juggling act of motherhood. Our babies and loved ones will thrive when we do.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s experience with breastfeeding and the challenges of pumping while managing work and personal life. After realizing the toll it took on her mental health, she chose to supplement with formula while still breastfeeding, leading to a healthier balance and happier motherhood. The piece encourages mothers to prioritize their well-being and reassess their approach to feeding their babies.