When my friend Mark casually mentioned that he traveled alone with his three kids, all under eight, I was taken aback. I raised my hands in disbelief and exclaimed, “What? Are you out of your mind?” We shared a laugh, but then Mark recounted the supportive strangers he encountered at the airport. One woman even assisted him with his older son on a flight, as he struggled to fold the stroller. He nearly missed his flight altogether, and upon landing, another parent gave him a high five.
Ultimately, he described the experience as a nightmare, which I completely understood. Throughout his story, I couldn’t help but express my admiration, telling him how incredible I thought he was for managing that chaos. I’ve never dared to fly solo with kids, nor do I ever plan to.
As our children played in the backyard, my wife sat beside me, and Mark’s wife was at the head of the table. After we finished eating and began chatting, I glanced at her. Though she smiled and laughed at times, I sensed a deeper emotion in her gaze—an unspoken feeling that I was celebrating Mark’s achievement while overlooking her potential similar experiences. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she had navigated challenging situations alone with their kids, but no one ever praised her for it like I had for Mark.
It wasn’t until I caught my wife’s disappointed expression—her lips pressed tightly together, seemingly saying, “I thought you were better than this”—that I realized my mistake. How often had I seen mothers in airports, juggling children while carrying what felt like a hundred bags, their eyes weary and their kids clamoring for attention? I couldn’t count the times; it was somewhere between countless and infinite. Meanwhile, fathers traveling alone with kids? That was a rarity.
This disparity likely explained why Mark’s journey stood out: it rarely happened. When it does, it garners attention—almost like a heroic act. But regardless of gender, traveling with young children alone is difficult. And let’s face it, parenting anywhere is a challenge, whether solo or with help. Just because a father undertakes such a task doesn’t make it more commendable than a mother doing the same.
The truth is, we often shower praise on fathers for doing things that mothers do regularly—like shopping with kids or attending school meetings. I had thought I was above this bias, but I realized I wasn’t. After Mark finished his story, I paused and turned to his wife, saying, “I feel embarrassed. What your husband did was commendable, but if you had done it, I wouldn’t have reacted this way. That’s sad, and I’m truly sorry.”
This admission took some of the excitement out of Mark’s moment, but his wife seemed to appreciate it. The truth is, we need more moments like this in parenting, where we step back and consider if the praise we give is influenced by gender. Yes, managing kids at an airport deserves recognition, but we must ensure that mothers receive equal praise for their incredible feats.
So, the next time you spot a mom at the airport, lend a helping hand, offer words of encouragement, or give her a high five. And if you see a dad, do the same. Parents need all the support they can get, and we should strive for balance in our appreciation.
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Summary:
In a moment of reflection, I realized I had mistakenly celebrated my friend Mark’s solo parenting feat at the airport while overlooking his wife, who may have faced similar challenges. This prompted an apology and a call for more balanced recognition of both fathers and mothers in parenting. Moving forward, parents should strive for equality in praise and support, as both genders encounter difficulties in raising children.