I once attended a youth soccer match featuring my son, and I witnessed an outburst from a parent that was nothing short of shocking. This was a community league in a small Oregon town, where the players were just 9 and 10 years old. I can’t recall the specifics of the referee’s call, but the father in the stands was livid. He turned beet red, yelling as if the fate of the world depended on the decision—totally forgetting that this was just a kids’ game, where parents often pack juice boxes and graham crackers in brown paper bags for after the match.
Eventually, his spouse had to escort him to their vehicle, and I was left astounded by his behavior. It’s just a game, right? At such a young age, children learn just as much from losing as they do from winning. Youth sports are about fostering resilience, developing coordination, building friendships, and getting active. Yet, this man seemed to believe it was a matter of life and death.
This experience came to mind when I read an article in the New York Times about a Facebook page called Offside, created by an Oklahoma youth soccer referee named Jake Thompson. He offers $100 for each video of parents acting out inappropriately during youth sporting events. His goal? To use the power of shame to combat the growing issue of unruly parents.
While the Times used the term “unruly,” I’d prefer to call it what it is: “verbally abusive” or even “violent.” A quick scroll through Offside’s videos reveals fathers in cargo shorts and polo shirts brawling over a missed call. It’s frankly disgusting. For example, one clip from a semi-final basketball game in Pennsylvania devolved into chaos as fans clashed in the stands, almost clearing out an entire section.
Another video shows a father taking a swing at a referee while kids desperately try to break up the scuffle. And then there’s the clip of a man repeatedly shouting, “You are horrible!” at a youth game. Seriously, folks, do you really need to see a video of your own disgraceful behavior to realize that you’re acting like a jerk?
Thompson’s message highlights how many referees, whether volunteers or paid, leave their roles due to such abuse. My advice is simple: grow up. Keep your fists in your pockets if you can’t control your temper, and if you can’t say something constructive, just remain silent. You were likely taught these lessons as a child, and you probably strive to impart them to your own kids. But when you erupt at a youth sports event, all those teachings about respect and kindness fly out the window, and suddenly your child thinks it’s acceptable to lash out over a bad call.
Children observe and absorb your behavior. They’re learning how to treat others and what truly matters in life. And let’s be clear: youth sports are not that significant. They provide valuable experiences, but no score, shot, or goal is worth resorting to violence or foul language. None. It’s not worth setting a poor example for your children when things don’t go as planned.
Let’s take a collective breath and refocus. It’s just a game. If your child’s team faces a bad call, turn it into a lesson about resilience and perseverance. Losing is not an excuse for aggression; it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. If a fellow parent is behaving badly, don’t hesitate to speak up. This kind of conduct is unacceptable, and we all share a responsibility to intervene when someone is misbehaving.
Naturally, prioritize your safety—based on the videos, that’s a legitimate concern. But if enough of us stand up to this kind of behavior, we could return to enjoying a diet soda, munching on chips, and watching our kids thrive during their games. Sounds pretty nice, doesn’t it?
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Summary
Youth sports should focus on fun, skill development, and friendship, but some parents take things too far with their aggressive behavior during games. Referee Jake Thompson is fighting back against this trend by offering a reward for videos of unruly parents, aiming to raise awareness and promote better behavior. It’s crucial for parents to set a good example for their children, teaching them how to handle disappointment gracefully rather than resorting to anger or violence.