Lifestyle
By: Jessica Harmon
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: July 28, 2018
We’ve all experienced some level of social anxiety at different points in our lives. For some, it’s a diagnosed clinical condition, a type of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) that arises when faced with social situations. I’m one of those people. However, my journey through therapy has equipped me with coping mechanisms that help.
Many individuals experience social anxiety that may not meet clinical criteria but can still be debilitating. You’re not alone in feeling this way; many of us share this burden, especially if we’ve faced bullying or harassment in the past. But there are ways to manage and alleviate this anxiety.
You don’t have to navigate these feelings in isolation. Too often, we find ourselves dreading social events, spiraling into anxiety, and leaving gatherings feeling like everyone dislikes us. I’ve been there. I once spent an eagerly awaited weekend away with friends in a cloud of anxiety, which was a miserable experience. However, I’ve since learned how to cope.
Do Your Research and Prepare
To tackle social anxiety effectively, you must go into situations prepared. Engage in self-care and recognize your perceived weaknesses—though they may not be real. Do you feel unattractive? Are you anxious about your conversational skills? Do you worry about oversharing? Identifying these thoughts is the first step.
Once you recognize these feelings, practice positive self-affirmation. If you think you’re unattractive, dive into body positivity. If you struggle with conversations, practice engaging with others and celebrate your achievements—even small interactions like chatting with a cashier. Compliment others, too. Remind yourself of your strengths. You are amazing, stylish, and worthy of attention. Make this positive self-talk a daily ritual so that when social mishaps occur, you have a strong foundation to rely on.
Embrace the Teflon Mindset
A useful technique from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the concept of “Teflon Mind.” Picture your mind as being made of Teflon: negative thoughts slide right off. In social situations, when self-doubting thoughts emerge—like “I’m awkward” or “They think I’m an idiot”—acknowledge them briefly, then let them go. This method requires regular practice outside of social settings to be effective.
Shift Your Focus to Others
You are not just a wallflower at social gatherings; you can actively engage with others. Taking an interest in those around you can diminish your anxiety. When you focus on making someone else feel comfortable, you reduce your self-consciousness. Look for others who may also feel out of place and initiate conversations. Simple prompts like “What do you think of this dessert?” can open the door to meaningful interactions. By prioritizing others’ experiences, you’ll find your worries dissipate.
Reframe Your Past Experiences
Reflect on past social embarrassments—these experiences may sting, but they don’t define you. Re-evaluate whether the people around you were truly laughing at you or if your perception was clouded. More often than not, individuals are preoccupied with their own thoughts. By reframing these memories, you can alter your current outlook.
These strategies won’t entirely erase your anxiety; you’ll still feel nervous and second-guess yourself. However, implementing these techniques can make social situations feel more manageable.
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In summary, social anxiety is a common struggle, but with preparation, positive self-talk, and a focus on others, you can navigate social situations with greater ease.