During the week of July 4th, my children were with their dad. This arrangement had been looming over me since we agreed to it months earlier, and despite my efforts to get out and embrace the day, I found myself sinking into my pajamas, curled up on the couch with a book after tending to the yard.
All week, I received texts detailing their exciting adventures — jet skiing, camping trips, enjoying lobster dinners, ordering heaps of Chinese food, and spending quality time with cousins. Each message brought a bittersweet smile to my face. I genuinely felt joyful knowing they were making unforgettable memories with their wonderful father, who undoubtedly knows how to have fun better than I do. Seeing my kids happy is what truly matters, right?
Yet, I can’t ignore the pain that accompanies their joy when they’re away from me. It’s tough, especially on holidays, to know they’re having a blast without me. I can’t help but feel the weight of their absence during these special moments. This is my new reality, one I must adapt to, as I come to terms with not being present for every holiday, birthday, or significant event anymore.
Even though it wasn’t a major holiday, the emotional sting was still there. To cope, I turned to my favorite book and my comfy pajamas. There are times I fill my schedule with family and friends to cushion the blow when the kids are with their dad. But this time, I opted to decline all invitations. I didn’t want to see families strolling hand in hand in their red, white, and blue outfits or witness parades and fireworks that reminded me of our past traditions. The thought of it was too heavy for my heart.
So, I chose to honor my feelings. I didn’t want to pretend to be okay; I needed to sit with my emotions and seek peace in the solitude. And in doing so, I found some comfort.
I remind myself that as a divorced mom, I can create new experiences with my children, even if they aren’t on the actual holiday. It’s important to carve out time for self-care in this new chapter of my life. While there are moments of excitement and renewal, the ache of being away from my kids during holidays is undeniably painful.
It’s essential to allow yourself to grieve the losses that come with divorce. Healing isn’t a straightforward path. There will be days of resurgence, sadness, and confusion about when this will all feel normal again. Holidays can amplify these feelings, stirring up memories and emotions tied to the past.
Through this journey, I’ve learned to listen to my heart. If I feel like celebrating, I should. If I need to be alone, I have to honor that choice as well, knowing my loved ones will understand. And if I feel like indulging in some online shopping as a pick-me-up, that’s perfectly fine too.
Navigating holidays as a divorced mom is complex. It’s okay to enjoy your time away from your kids, and it’s equally valid to feel upset about it. This journey is all about finding what works for you, and as long as you stay true to yourself, you will find your way through.
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Summary:
Navigating the emotional landscape of being a divorced mother, especially during holidays when kids are away, can be challenging. It’s crucial to acknowledge feelings of sadness while also allowing for the creation of new memories and experiences. Embracing self-care and honoring personal needs will help in coping with the complexities of this new life.