A while back, my two oldest kids found themselves in an all-out brawl over who was responsible for a fart. They weren’t blaming each other; instead, they were both adamantly claiming it as their own. Sure, it’s possible they both let one rip at the same time, but here’s the kicker—I was the one who farted! Just kidding; it was definitely the kids. But the point is that children argue over some truly bizarre things, and there are times when you, as a parent, might start to question their sanity.
Thanks to the wonderful world of the Internet, I reached out to countless parents with the question: “What’s the weirdest thing your kids have fought over?” I received hundreds of responses, and here are some of the most laughable examples that highlight just how strange childhood disputes can be. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
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Poop
“We bought a new poop scooper for the dog, and my kids fought over who got to use it. When they ran out of dog poop to collect, one of them actually pooped in the yard. Then they squabbled over who would pick that up.” A twist I did not see coming.
“My 3-year-old argues with me about watching me poop. She gets genuinely upset if I don’t let her in while I’m using the bathroom.” Mine just bang on the door like a SWAT team.
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Space
“My husband had to intervene because my boys were fighting over a one-foot square patch of snow. We have an acre of land with ten inches of snow!” Of course they did.
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Puke
“He’s using MY puke bucket!” (The child who was upset wasn’t even sick at the time.) What a coveted item to argue over.
“My daughter and her friend had a full-on meltdown over who got to clean up some cat vomit from the rug. Tears were shed, and naturally, I ended up cleaning it up.” Epic eye roll.
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Baby Invisible Ghost
“My kids had a massive argument over a ‘baby invisible ghost’ in the grocery store. I finally lost it, slammed my hand down as if I was squashing it, and declared that no one has a baby invisible ghost anymore.” Sacrifices for peace, I suppose.
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Ownership of the Moon
“My husband claims things like, ‘Look kids, that’s Daddy’s moon!’ Now the kids argue over whose moon it is, along with whose birds and squirrels are in the yard.” Thanks for that!
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Birth Order
“My 4-year-old constantly fights with my 6-year-old because he thinks it’s unfair he wasn’t born first.” Makes perfect sense… right?
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Imaginary Winning
“My 6-year-old and her friend came running to us in tears because they had an imaginary race and didn’t want to share the imaginary trophy. It turns out both of them won, but creating another trophy was out of the question.” Olympic dreams, dashed.
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Cyborgs
“My kids have been arguing for five years about whether or not the youngest is a cyborg. I have no idea why the oldest thinks this, and it drives the youngest to punch his bigger brother.” It sounds like a plot line from a low-budget movie.
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Words
“They argue about whether ‘20’ is pronounced ‘twenty’ or ‘twenty-zero.’” Classic.
“My three-year-old is devastated every time I tell her that ‘cat’ isn’t the only word that starts with ‘C.’” Hilarious.
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Belly Buttons
“My almost 2-year-old got into a heated discussion with my 6-year-old about her stealing his belly button.” A serious threat indeed!
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Good Days
“My almost 4-year-old and 10-year-old argued over who had a good day, as if only one of them was allowed to have fun.” Because you can only have one good day at a time.
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Penis Size
“My boys argued over who had the SMALLEST penis, because they both wanted to be the smallest. They even measured to prove it.” Anyone else thinking of Michelangelo’s David?
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Air
“My son and daughter fought over who was stealing air from a can. He yelled at her to stop taking his air.” They say kids fight over nothing—here’s proof.
So, there you have it! Kids may squabble over the oddest things, but it’s all part of growing up. Remember, you’re not alone in this parenting struggle. For more insights on topics like parenting and home insemination, feel free to check out our other blog posts, including this one on intrauterine insemination. And if you’re interested in an authoritative source for home insemination kits, consider this BabyMaker home intracevical insemination syringe kit.
In summary, kids may argue over the most ridiculous things, but it’s all part of their development. These quirky disputes not only provide us with a good laugh but also remind us that all children seem to share a unique sense of absurdity.