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- How Perfectionism Is Impacting Our Mental Well-Being
by J. Taylor
Updated: July 18, 2018
Originally Published: July 18, 2018
It can be incredibly frustrating when you feel like no one believes in your potential. I faced a similar situation during my childhood in the public school system. Fortunately, my family always had faith in my capabilities, which motivated me to strive for perfection. However, this pursuit of flawlessness created an extremely stressful life for me.
In an effort to fulfill my family’s lofty expectations, I developed a perfectionist mindset, adopting a “second place is just the first loser” attitude from an early age. This relentless pursuit of excellence carried over into college, where I was particularly hard on myself. Each semester, I felt compelled to land on the Dean’s list, and anything less felt like I had wasted my time. Eventually, even that achievement wasn’t sufficient; I felt the need to make the Chancellor’s list. I sought validation from others, especially after hearing doubts about my potential, and when I finally graduated with honors, I thought I had reached a satisfying endpoint.
But that was just the start. Adulthood greeted me with demands for an unattainable level of perfection. As a millennial, my degree, GPA, and four years of hard work seemed meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I had to start from scratch.
The Pain of Perfectionism
I’m certainly not alone in struggling with the damaging effects of perfectionism. It’s a widespread issue that many face. Recent research indicates that college students frequently experience depressive symptoms stemming from the pressures of young adulthood and academic expectations. An earlier study highlighted a 30% increase in depressive symptoms among undergraduates, likely linked to the constant evaluation of their performance.
While the research primarily examined college students, similar patterns are evident in our daily lives. Many people work in environments that prioritize metrics like “return on investment” and “productivity.” Our social media interactions revolve around likes, shares, and comments. Everyone seems to be striving for an idealized version of life, which can be incredibly stressful. This could explain the observed correlation between social media usage and depression. Despite being more connected than ever, we often feel more isolated.
Moving Forward
I spent a significant amount of time chasing perfection. I landed a job in insurance right after college, dressed and spoke the part, and aimed to make my family proud. However, I soon realized that I despised my job, struggled to maintain the professional facade, and ended up marrying my middle school sweetheart. My perceived imperfections felt like failures, yet my post-graduation life was slowly suffocating me. I had to break free.
Luckily, my passion for learning and creativity allowed me to carve out my own path. Otherwise, I might have lost my sense of self long ago. Letting go of that perfectionist mentality wasn’t easy. It involved introspection, challenging harmful thoughts, and learning to embrace my flaws. This journey also led me to grapple with depression. Even now, I sometimes feel as though I’ve fallen short. I’m a graduate who isn’t utilizing her degree, a young mother of one with another on the way, and a career that isn’t as successful as I had hoped. I often feel like I’ve disappointed those around me, which brings on moments of overwhelming sadness and feelings of inadequacy. While I’ve achieved some “okay” things, I’m uncertain if I’ve reached the heights my family expected of me.
I recognize my imperfections and insecurities about my future. My hair often looks less than ideal, and I’m navigating the complexities of loving a child, another adult, and myself. The world feels chaotic, and I sometimes feel powerless.
However, I’ve come to understand that the only thing I can truly control is my daily choice to be authentic and to grant myself some grace. I no longer have the time or energy to maintain a facade of perfection. Embracing our flaws is essential for creating meaningful change in the world. For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, check out this blog post that offers valuable perspectives.
Summary
Perfectionism can have detrimental effects on mental health, leading to feelings of inadequacy and depression. Many individuals strive for excellence in various aspects of life, often fueled by external expectations. It’s crucial to recognize the harmful impacts of this mindset and to embrace authenticity over perfection. Prioritizing self-acceptance can facilitate personal growth and foster a more fulfilling life. For more information about fertility and related topics, visit Medical News Today and learn about boosting fertility supplements.