I could sense his eyes on me. Turning around to confirm my gut feeling, I found him staring unabashedly. This was no innocent glance; it was an intrusive gaze that felt violating. I was more than just angry—his stare ignited a fury within me that could have set the entire store ablaze.
Usually, I am fortunate not to experience the unwanted attention of men’s lingering gazes, but today was different. Having just come from a yoga class, I was wearing yoga pants—an outfit I rarely don. Typically, I only feel comfortable in them at home or in the studio, but I finally gathered the confidence to make a quick stop at the store after class. That’s when I caught Creepy McLecher surveying my figure.
This isn’t a boast about my appearance; I don’t appreciate being objectified. My body reflects my curves and femininity, aspects I often try to downplay in my clothing choices. While clothing doesn’t inherently invite attention, I’ve always chosen outfits that let me blend into the background.
As a non-conforming, gender-fluid individual, I was assigned female at birth. My life experiences have been shaped by using female pronouns and identifying with the female gender. However, I equally identify with my masculinity, which complicates how I perceive the world and how it perceives me. When people look at me, I hope they see my masculine aspects first.
Explaining my gender identity is challenging, as I navigate a spectrum that encompasses both male and female. I embody both because that’s how I feel. I wear “men’s” clothing, sport a “men’s” haircut, and tackle stereotypically male chores around the house. These elements of my life express my masculine side, yet I struggle to embrace my femininity, particularly the attributes that might undermine my male identity.
As a committed yogi, I hesitated to wear tight, form-fitting clothing for fear it would undermine my masculine representation. Even though I know clothing has no gender and everyone can wear whatever they like, I wrestled with the notion of sporting “female” attire.
Moreover, my sexuality provides a unique lens. I’m queer and attracted to women, appreciating their curves and softness. I can empathize with men’s desires, yet I am acutely aware that a woman’s appeal is not her responsibility, nor does it grant anyone ownership of her. Regardless of one’s gender or orientation, no one is a trophy to be claimed.
When I realized someone was leering at me, I was infuriated that he reduced my identity to a mere body part. His gaze reminded me of the constant scrutiny women face, a reality I usually escape. What stung the most was the feeling that my masculine identity was overlooked. I felt frustrated and misjudged.
I wanted to confront him for the way he might look at my partner, friends, and even my daughters. His shameless gaze could easily undermine the confidence and dignity of the women I care about. I was angry for all the women he’s made feel uncomfortable or ashamed.
As a human being, I am appalled by the way many men treat women. While I recognize not all men are disrespectful, far too many are. From economic disparities to belittling comments and sexual harassment, it sometimes makes me wish I could give a man a taste of vulnerability.
Standing in the dairy aisle of the grocery store, I was enraged but also reminded of my privileges as a queer, gender-fluid person. I believe it’s vital to tell men that if they wish to connect with women, they must first respect them. Genuine desire is rooted in understanding that a woman must feel comfortable before she opens up.
Women are not prizes to be won; they are gifts to be cherished. You don’t just claim a woman; you earn the pieces she chooses to share.
For those interested in further insights on navigating identity and relationships, you might find useful resources like this blog post or this excellent source on fertility and insemination. Additionally, here is a comprehensive guide on the fertility journey for couples.
Summary
The author expresses frustration over being objectified by a man while wearing yoga pants post-class. They discuss their identity as a non-conforming, gender-fluid individual and the struggle to balance femininity and masculinity. The piece critiques societal attitudes towards women while advocating for respect and understanding in relationships.