Updated: May 23, 2023
Originally Published: May 23, 2023
Five years ago, when I found out I was expecting my third child, I decided to take a closer look at our finances. I had a teaching position that I truly cherished, and while it provided a solid income, our childcare expenses were on the rise with the impending arrival of another little one. The harsh truth was that if I continued to work, I would be shelling out my entire paycheck plus an additional $200 each month for childcare until my oldest started public school. It felt absurd to think that I would be paying to maintain my job.
This is a reality that many working parents face. My partner, Ethan, and I spent countless hours discussing our options. He encouraged me to remain in my role, recognizing how much I enjoyed it and knowing that staying home full-time wouldn’t bring me joy. But the numbers were daunting.
I wrestled with the decision for weeks. Then, during a dinner with a friend, she offered a different perspective. She suggested that if I enjoyed my job and wanted to keep it, I should consider the childcare costs as an investment spread over the 18 years my children would be living at home. Taking a financial hit for a few years might be tough, but if it meant staying in a job I loved long-term, it would be worth it.
So, I made the choice to stay. I scaled back my work hours a bit but remained in my position. Thank goodness I did.
Last fall, as I began a new school year filled with eager students, my life took a sudden turn. After Thanksgiving break, Ethan was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. By January, he had passed away. He was only 40, a health enthusiast who ran a small business, and this tragedy was beyond comprehension for everyone who knew him. The rapidity of it all left us scrambling, and we hadn’t prepared for how I would continue on without him.
The initial months following his death were a blur; I struggled to navigate through the fog of grief. Yet, even during that disorienting time, I understood I had to secure a few critical aspects of our lives. I needed to ensure I could support my children, maintain our health insurance, and keep our home.
Fortunately, despite my reduced hours, I was eligible for health insurance through my job once Ethan’s coverage ended. I had the option to return to full-time work in the upcoming school year, adjust my retirement contributions, and my children would receive monthly Social Security benefits.
We were also fortunate to have resources that many others might not: savings, insurance, and a strong support network of friends and family who helped me through this difficult time. I was able to keep our house and didn’t have to move back to my hometown. My children, while facing significant change, still had the familiar faces at the playground who offered love and encouragement. They would grow up surrounded by the same families that had always been part of our lives.
And I still had my job.
I’m not suggesting that every parent should remain in the workforce when they have children. There are many valid reasons to stay home, especially if that’s what you desire. Sometimes the financial strain makes it impractical for both parents to work, or the demands of one partner’s job necessitate that the other stay at home. I understand this completely; I know many happy and financially secure stay-at-home parents.
But life can throw curveballs.
Even when you think you’ve meticulously planned every detail, circumstances can change unexpectedly. Someone could lose their job. A partner may betray your trust. And in the worst-case scenario, you could lose a loved one.
Years ago, before I even began to think about starting a family, a former roommate shared a piece of wisdom that has stuck with me. Her father had left when her mother was pregnant, leading to years of hardship as a single parent. Her mother had told her, “Always be sure you can support yourself without a man.”
When I met Ethan, I had always assumed that this advice was aimed at others. I believed he would always be committed to our family, often expressing how fortunate he felt to have me in his life.
But life is unpredictable, and I now find myself as a single parent to three children under ten, uncertain about how to manage everything on my own.
However, I have faith that we will be alright. One of the reasons for that assurance is because, years ago, I must have had an instinct that quitting my job would not be in our best interest. Perhaps, in some way, I heard a whisper from the future urging me, “Do not, under any circumstances, quit your job.”
Others might prioritize obtaining a substantial life insurance policy or devising a different safety net. Each family needs to determine what works best for them, but it’s essential to know you can manage if life takes an unexpected turn.
I’ve learned this lesson firsthand, and I am grateful for my job.
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In summary, my experience has taught me the importance of being prepared for life’s uncertainties. I am thankful for the choice I made to keep my job, which has provided stability for my family during these trying times.