Navigating Parenting
My partner and I are parents to three kids: two daughters and a son, all under the age of 11. My affection for them is undeniable. There are countless moments when their innocent remarks and unpredictable antics make me grin from ear to ear. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. However, there are days when I feel like I’m on the brink of losing my sanity — one math problem, one meltdown, one stray sock, one sibling squabble, one chaotic bedtime, or one family dinner can push me to the edge. Parenting burnout is genuine, and when you’re stretched thin, even the smallest annoyances can become monumental.
This is the essence of parenting, plain and simple.
Both my partner and I work full-time jobs; she works in a corporate setting while I juggle my job alongside part-time writing. We’ve managed to balance the extensive responsibilities of children, household chores, and our professional lives. Having been together for nearly 14 years, we still find it challenging to keep everything afloat. Our home may often be a bit of a mess, but our children are healthy, happy, and (for the most part) well-behaved.
Yet, even if we dedicated every waking hour to our family, it would still feel like there’s always more to accomplish.
Recently, we moved into a new house that we snagged at a great price in a nice neighborhood, but it requires a lot of renovations. We foolishly thought we could handle most of the work ourselves, adding even more to our already overflowing plates. To say we’ve been frazzled and at our wits’ end over the past few weeks would be an understatement. I love my partner, but one more disagreement over paint color, and I might just lose it.
However, one crucial lesson I’ve learned after over a decade of marriage and parenting is this: breaks are essential.
I can already imagine some parents reading this and rolling their eyes. I completely understand the struggle. For many, finding time for themselves feels as improbable as passing a complex piece of legislation. While it is possible, it often feels far-fetched. We can’t just hop on a plane to a tropical paradise or drop our children off with relatives for a spa day — in our case, we don’t have any family within a ten-hour radius.
But what if we redefined what a break means?
A few years ago, my partner, Sarah, and I were in a particularly tough spot. We were both juggling school and work while raising our kids. Stress levels were through the roof, and one evening, after yet another exhausting argument over our youngest child’s bedtime antics, we simultaneously exclaimed, “We need a break.” We exchanged a knowing smile, and I joked, “Jinx.” Laughter broke the tension, as Sarah confessed, “Sometimes it feels like I’m expected to handle everything, and I just can’t.”
“I feel the same way,” I replied. “But do we really have to do it all?”
In that quiet moment, with the kids finally asleep, we brainstormed about everything on our to-do lists. That’s when we introduced the concept of “tapping out.” When one of us feels overwhelmed, stressed, or frustrated, we can “tap out” when the other parent is available.
For instance, if helping our daughter with her homework becomes too much, Sarah can tap out and I’ll take over. If I find myself in a similar situation, I do the same. It’s a system of mutual support — a sacred trust. Typically, these tap-outs last about 15 to 20 minutes, allowing us a moment to breathe and reset.
Of course, it hasn’t eliminated all our challenges. We still face our children’s endless demands and requests, but knowing we can tap out gives us comfort. It fosters teamwork and makes our home renovation project feel a bit more manageable.
The truth is, parenting burnout is a significant issue, and even though I love my family dearly, there are times when I need a break. Interestingly, after a tap out, I return rejuvenated and ready to embrace my parenting role once more. The same goes for Sarah.
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In summary, while I adore my family, the reality of parenting can be overwhelming. By redefining breaks and supporting each other through the stresses of family life, we can find balance and joy in our parenting journey.