When my eldest child, Mia, returned from her first-grade class, she excitedly shared that she sat between Jake and Noah at lunchtime. It wasn’t unusual for Mia to choose to sit near boys; she’s always been an outgoing and sociable child, effortlessly making friends with both boys and girls. However, I found it curious that she ended up seated between these particular boys during a period when she could have sat wherever she liked. I wanted to learn more about her decision.
“That sounds fun! Is it because Jake is always cracking jokes, and Noah can be quite the character?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation light. While Jake’s humor can be amusing, it often comes in the form of silly noises that disrupt the class, and Noah’s antics can be impulsive and distracting.
Mia shrugged, adjusting her backpack as we strolled home. “Actually, we had to sit boy-girl-boy-girl at lunch, and Mrs. L put me there.”
Instantly, I felt a surge of frustration, but I maintained my composure. The issue wasn’t who she sat next to but rather the reasoning behind Mrs. L’s seating chart. My daughter was placed between two energetic boys in an attempt to keep them in check, as if it were her responsibility—or any girl’s for that matter.
I’m not blaming Mrs. L specifically; the problem runs deeper. Society often holds the belief that girls should help boys regulate their behavior. Our daughters should never have to bear the weight of our sons’ actions. It is essential that boys learn to manage their own behavior and be accountable for their choices.
As parents, we need to be more aware of the language we use. We should refrain from comments like:
- “Thank goodness we have a few girls on the team; they’ll bring some much-needed calm to the dugout.”
- “It’s lovely to see some girls in the room; their presence adds a touch of softness.”
- “Perhaps she can help keep him in line.”
The answer to all of these statements should be a resounding no. We must stop giving boys an excuse for their behavior and prevent girls from internalizing the idea that they must be responsible for others’ actions.
Grouping children by gender for educational or athletic purposes should not be about maintaining control. It’s crucial to recognize that boys can and should exhibit calmness and respect, and we shouldn’t assume all girls are naturally composed. Telling our girls that they cannot be wild and our boys that they cannot be sensitive creates a dangerous narrative. It places the burden of boys’ misconduct onto girls, leading them to believe that their appearance or demeanor could provoke inappropriate behavior.
I want my daughters, Mia and her sister Ava, to be free-spirited and adventurous. While they shouldn’t be wild all the time, I want them to have the autonomy to express their energy authentically. They should live without the fear of judgment and trust that their actions are their own, not for the sake of controlling someone else.
If we continue to communicate that girls exist to improve the lives of boys, we devalue girls and do a disservice to boys. It’s time to be more deliberate in our language and commentary, no matter how innocuous it may seem.
Ultimately, girls were not placed on this earth to manage boys, and boys should not need managing. For more insights on parenting and familial structures, check out this blog post. If you are interested in home insemination, you can also learn about the tools available at this authority site. Additionally, this resource provides excellent information on pregnancy and donor insemination.
In summary, we must shift our mindset and stop expecting girls to control boys’ behavior. By fostering an environment where both genders are equally accountable, we can promote respect and equality and support our children as they navigate their identities.