Parenting Insights
Why Are Mothers Perpetually Tired?
Last weekend, I unexpectedly found myself alone for a few hours. My youngest child was enjoying a sleepover, while my older child was dining out with friends. My partner had gone to the gym. You’d think that having the house to myself—a rare opportunity for any mom—would bring a sense of peace. Instead, I felt a strange sense of unease.
Did I have work to catch up on? Perhaps, but nothing urgent. Were there emails that needed my attention? A few, but they could wait. Did the house need tidying? Of course, but it was manageable by my “good enough” standards.
I could have indulged in my favorite show or immersed myself in a good book. I could have taken a long, relaxing shower or even enjoyed a nap. Instead, I found myself consumed with a whirlwind of thoughts about all the tasks I ought to be tackling. I created unnecessary projects in my mind and let my anxiety take over, leaving me emotionally drained.
This is the real reason mothers often feel overwhelmed—our minds are in constant motion. We rarely feel “finished” with anything; there’s always something more that demands our attention. Our hearts are equally restless.
We often discuss the emotional labor tied to managing a household and raising children. We wish our partners would take initiative rather than waiting for direction. We voice our concerns about being the family’s planner, the manager of daily tasks, the one who knows the ins and outs of everything.
While this is certainly true, it runs deeper than that.
It’s the emotional energy we expend—not just in organizing and strategizing, but in genuinely caring about every aspect of our lives. Our minds are on overdrive, and our hearts are too. Whether it’s our job, community service, or the daily demands of motherhood, we pour our hearts into everything. When something matters to us, we are invested in the outcome, especially when it comes to motherhood.
Even when we aren’t physically busy with motherhood or other responsibilities, we are perpetually engaged in the emotional labor of caring, worrying, and thinking about our loved ones. We’re not just busy with tasks; we’re busy feeling, and that can be incredibly exhausting.
I don’t believe this emotional busyness—and the fatigue that accompanies it—is exclusive to mothers, although we may experience it more acutely than fathers or non-parents. Men often seem to compartmentalize their emotions more effectively. When they are with their children, they focus entirely on that role; at work, their attention shifts to their professional responsibilities.
In contrast, mothers tend to carry the weight of all concerns simultaneously. When I’m away from my kids, I find myself stressing over their meals or whether they feel my absence during bedtime stories. When I’m not working, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something I’ve overlooked or could improve upon. Saying “no” to a volunteer opportunity often leaves me feeling guilty for not contributing more to my community. No matter how much we accomplish, it often feels insufficient; we worry about disappointing others.
This is why mothers are so perpetually busy and fatigued. Even in moments of downtime, we drain ourselves with worry and care. We carry the emotional load of everything around us.
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In summary, the exhaustion that mothers face stems from the unrelenting emotional labor we undertake. Our minds and hearts are always at work, making even moments of rest feel burdensome.