In today’s world, it feels like there’s a constant debate about which parenting method reigns supreme. Whether it’s the helicopter parent versus the free-range advocate, or stay-at-home moms versus working mothers, the comparisons seem endless (yawn). Each day presents us with an avalanche of parenting decisions, and let’s be honest, most of us don’t fit neatly into one category—just like your 3-year-old can’t keep his underwear clean for more than five minutes.
Parenting styles are fluid, shaped by who we are and, perhaps more importantly, who our children are. They aren’t fixed concepts! My personal parenting approach is a reflection of my current self. To say I’m relaxed would be an understatement; sometimes I’m downright lazy. Yet, I also have my moments of drive and a hint of obsession. I lean more toward the free-range philosophy, believing in giving my kids space to make their own mistakes and enjoy their freedom.
However, I grew up with a mother who was often anxious and worried about the world around her. Every year, she made me watch the Adam Walsh TV special, which recounted the tragic abduction of a child from a department store. For years, this deeply ingrained fear made me hesitant to let my children ride their bikes unsupervised. I can joke now that my oldest just turned 18 before I finally let him go solo, but the truth is I do allow candy before bed and sleepovers on school nights. My parenting can be a bit wishy-washy when I’m undecided, and my kids know they can often sway me with little effort. But they also understand that lying comes with serious consequences.
The bottom line is that most parents find themselves shifting in and out of these labels throughout their journey. I never experienced such harsh judgment regarding my personality—essentially my parenting style—until I became a parent. Indecisiveness was once considered endearing; now, some experts deem it a liability in nurturing a well-adjusted child. So why do we feel the need to judge others so harshly? Just because I’m responsible for raising a human doesn’t mean your method is better than mine.
In fact, I often learn the most from parents whose approaches are drastically different from my own. While I enjoy connecting with those who share my parenting philosophy, it’s the contrasting styles that push me to grow. For instance, the au naturel moms have heightened my awareness of food choices, inspiring me to make healthier decisions for myself and my children. Meanwhile, the helicopter parents, who hover over their kids at the park, sometimes motivate me to join in and be more active. I’m not about to abandon who I am because of their influence, but I remain open to learning and evolving.
Judging others without understanding their circumstances often leads to humbling realizations. I recall a nosy neighbor asking a friend, “When are you two going to have kids?” only for my friend to reply, “I just had my third miscarriage.” The same principle applies to differing parenting styles; the helicopter mom’s child might be a cancer survivor, while the working mom might be the family’s sole provider. Every parent’s choices stem from unique motivations, situations, and countless nuances we may not fully grasp.
If we embraced more kindness, perhaps our parenting community would feel less like a battlefield. I don’t need to share your beliefs to respect you as a fellow parent. After all, a world where everyone agrees would be incredibly dull.
This article was originally published on June 2, 2015, and serves as a reminder of the importance of understanding and compassion in our parenting journeys. For those interested in starting a family, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Parenting is full of choices, and styles often shift based on personal and child circumstances. Instead of judging others, we should embrace kindness and understanding, recognizing that every parent’s journey is unique.
Leave a Reply