“Stop throwing stones!” my partner and I shouted at our son during our trip to a serene mountain lake. His brother was busy fishing, and with his attention on the pole waning, he sought out a more thrilling pastime: tossing rocks into the water and watching the resulting ripples.
“Stop throwing stones!” we reiterated sternly. “Don’t make me come over there.” Yet, he persisted, plopping rocks into the lake, gathering handfuls from the nearby path we had instructed him to avoid. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk.
Ultimately, he was sent indoors to watch television, a familiar outcome we all recognized. Deep down, we understood that throwing stones into a lake is a quintessential childhood activity—a natural urge to experiment with the world around them. Unfortunately, people were fishing nearby, and certain social norms dictated how one should act. This was one of those instances where we felt compelled to impose restraint.
In the larger context of childhood, this is a minor example, but Dara Horn, the author of The Immense Pressure of Children to Behave as Tiny Adults, argues that we often pressure children to behave according to adult standards—suppressing their natural instincts to explore and play. We aim to “even them out,” borrowing a phrase from Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, striving for conformity rather than individuality.
The School Environment
Consider the school environment. We cram children into small classrooms for six hours a day, five days a week, often without sufficient opportunities for physical activity. It’s no surprise that many exhibit challenging behaviors, such as fighting, throwing furniture, or refusing to engage with their work. A study from 2008 found that even a short 20-minute walk outdoors significantly reduced ADHD symptoms in children by 20%.
Moreover, children face the burden of taking numerous standardized tests—an average of 112 throughout their schooling, according to The Washington Post. This totals around 20-25 hours spent filling out bubble sheets, a task more suited for adults than young kids who should be out stomping in mud, not sitting quietly in desks.
Even in the absence of tests, success metrics remain rigid. Children are often discouraged from asking too many questions or expressing their creativity, and they risk being penalized for nonconformity in their handwriting or responses. Piles of homework can consume the limited time kids have for outdoor play. This is not how adults operate in the workforce, so why impose such a system on children?
Rethinking Our Approach
We need schools to some extent—to socialize children and teach them responsibility. However, can we agree that our current approach may be misguided? We risk stifling their unique personalities. The child who doesn’t perform well on a reading test because she’s engrossed in a novel under her desk, or the one who asks too many questions and disrupts the lesson, often face consequences rather than encouragement. Those with ADHD or behavioral issues are frequently subjected to interventions that aim to change who they are rather than support their needs.
As for my rock-throwing son, we could have relocated him to a more appropriate spot. We could have engaged him in a more productive activity, like sorting worms or targeting his rock-throwing for a more constructive purpose. These strategies would channel his energy positively, preserving the joy of childhood rather than restricting it to the confines of a screen indoors. That’s what I envision for my children—and for all children, for the world they will inherit.
This article originally appeared on April 26, 2018. For more insights on relevant topics, check out this related post on our other blog, which discusses various parenting strategies.
Summary
In the quest to socialize and educate our children, we may be unintentionally stifling their natural instincts and individuality. By imposing adult expectations and suppressing their creative impulses, we risk harming their development. Schools often prioritize conformity over exploration, leading to frustration and behavioral issues. Instead, we should encourage children to express themselves and find constructive outlets for their energy.