As a child, I frequently heard my mother emphasize that her marriage was her foremost concern. Unfortunately, her relationship was far from healthy. My parents often clashed like opposites, engaging in heated arguments night after night. Their conflicts escalated due to alcohol, sometimes resulting in physical altercations. I often found myself cleaning up the aftermath of their fights while my mother believed that prioritizing her marriage would somehow benefit my sister and me. She thought staying “together for the kids” was the right choice.
Eventually, my mother divorced my father when I was in my mid-20s. I can’t definitively say whether my sister and I were better off with her married to someone abusive or if she might have ended up with another partner who treated her poorly. However, this experience taught me a crucial lesson: my children will always be my top priority.
I could never tell my kids, “My marriage comes first.” The thought of that mindset is unfathomable to me. My children’s well-being surpasses my own needs, and I refuse to place any relationship above theirs. Romantic love is conditional and can falter; people and circumstances change. While it’s wonderful when partners grow together, it doesn’t always happen.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and resentment can brew, leading to anger and distrust. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, romantic partnerships dissolve. Thankfully, I’ve never experienced an abusive relationship. I worked through my past and found a partner who treats me with the respect I deserve.
My marriage is built on love, trust, and commitment, but if that dynamic were to shift, my children’s needs would always come first. I will advocate for my marriage, but not at the expense of my children’s safety or well-being.
It’s not about choosing between marriage and children; rather, it’s about finding a balance. Many women strive to manage everything without making anyone feel neglected. However, if you tell your children that your marriage is your priority, they will likely sense it without needing to be told. Children deserve unwavering love and the assurance that their needs will be placed above all else.
Does my husband deserve love and attention? Absolutely. But he is also an adult who understands that our children’s childhoods are fleeting. He doesn’t feel insecure about me prioritizing our kids. He knows my background and appreciates my perspective, which strengthens our bond.
My children are my everything. This doesn’t mean I indulge them or make everything easy, but it does mean I will always prioritize them when it matters most. I believe every parent should adopt this mindset.
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In summary, children should always come first in a parent’s life, regardless of the dynamics of a marriage. Prioritizing kids fosters a nurturing environment and ensures they receive the love and support they deserve.