As a parent of two boys, ages 9 and 11, both on the Autism spectrum, I feel a deep sense of empathy whenever a friend shares that their child has been diagnosed with autism or another special need. My heart aches because I understand the journey ahead—one that is filled with both immense rewards and significant challenges. Here are three vital pieces of advice that I wish to share, lessons I learned through my own experience:
1. Advocacy is Important, but Don’t Waste Energy on Ignorance
Unfortunately, some people simply don’t understand. Whether it’s due to their own ignorance or a lack of desire to learn, it’s not your responsibility to educate everyone about your child’s needs. I remember when my eldest was first diagnosed; I encountered a well-meaning stranger in a restaurant who felt the need to question my parenting choices. Instead of focusing on educating her, I should have realized that her opinion didn’t matter. Your priority is to be the best parent you can be, not to convince others of your journey’s validity.
2. Friendships May Shift, and Loneliness Can Happen
This new chapter in your life might lead to the loss of some friendships, which is an unfortunate reality. Many parents of children with special needs have experienced this loss, often due to the insecurities of others. Instead of dwelling on those who step back, focus your energy on the friends who step forward and support you. Even those who mean well may say hurtful things, such as suggesting you should “grieve the child you wanted.” It’s important to remember that you have the children you are meant to have. Cherish the friends who truly understand your journey; they are the ones who will remain by your side.
3. People Will Judge Your Choices, But Remember, You’re Living This Life
As you navigate this path, acceptance will become your guiding principle. Understand that you will make mistakes—everyone does. Accepting this from the start can make the process less painful. There’s no manual for parenting a child with special needs, and even with the best resources and support, simple solutions often elude us. You may feel anger and frustration, but those emotions can drain your energy. When my first child was diagnosed, I found myself overwhelmed and lost. By the time my second was diagnosed, I realized that I couldn’t change who they were; I could only support their unique strengths. It’s essential to discard any preconceived expectations as you embrace your new reality.
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In summary, while the journey you’re about to embark on may be filled with challenges, it is also rich with love and growth. Surround yourself with supportive friends, focus on your child’s strengths, and remember that your path is uniquely yours.
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