In a family navigating tight financial circumstances, how do you decide what takes precedence once basic needs are met? Do children automatically get the top priority?
In my household, we live paycheck to paycheck, with no luxury funds available. Past financial missteps have led us to a more cautious approach, and while some weeks allow for a fun pizza night, other times we’re just hoping we have enough dog food to last us through the week. We don’t try to keep up with our neighbors, fully aware that our “special treats” are often just regular occurrences for our children’s friends. Our budget is carefully adhered to, and we plan for unexpected expenses as much as possible. As my kids have matured, they’ve come to understand that certain purchases must be postponed and that they sometimes need to chip in for larger items. So, when I consider spending money on my own interests, am I being selfish?
Motherhood often comes with a constant undercurrent of guilt. No matter the decisions made, there’s always the feeling that something isn’t right. Bottle feeding? You’re aware that breast is best, right? Returning to work? I hope you trust your caregiver. Not opting for organic produce? You must not care about pesticides. With such daily judgments, it’s no surprise we often feel inadequate. When we struggle with the big challenges, it’s hard to deny the little pleasures to our kids.
Growing up, I never felt a lack. My parents weren’t wealthy, yet I was never told that certain things were unaffordable. I wish my children had the same sense of financial security that I enjoyed. I feel guilty that I can’t provide them with what their friends have, even though I know many others have even less.
One of the most challenging lessons I’ve learned as a mother is that it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize my own needs at times. Those familiar sayings ring true: you can’t pour from an empty cup, put your oxygen mask on first, and if mom isn’t happy, nobody is. I genuinely believe that I can be a better parent after taking care of myself.
However, finding time for oneself is different from spending financial resources. For instance, taking an hour to go for a run does not detract from my kids’ time; however, using our limited extra funds for personal indulgences—like registering for a race or treating myself to a pedicure—does take away from what they might enjoy.
My partner doesn’t hesitate to invest in things he desires. Is it just my nature that makes me hesitant to prioritize myself? Or is it the societal expectation that mothers must always sacrifice for their families? I don’t want to model selfishness for my children, but I also want to illustrate that mothers are individuals too, and a family thrives when all its members are fulfilled. Happiness isn’t solely about money or material possessions, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of neglecting oneself.
I will never prioritize my wants over my children’s needs, but I am committed to ensuring that I am included in the equation moving forward. This won’t be a weekly occurrence, nor will it happen every month, but there will be instances where my desires might take precedence, and I think that’s okay.
For further insights on family life and parenting, you can check out other posts on our blog about the importance of self-care, such as this one on home insemination. If you’re interested in understanding more about fertility, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources. And for those looking into home insemination kits, Make A Mom is an authority on the topic.
In summary, while my children are a top priority in my life, it’s vital to recognize the importance of personal needs. Balancing my happiness with their needs can create a healthier, happier family dynamic.