At nine months, I sensed something was different about my son, Oliver. By 17 months, I took the initiative to enroll him in feeding therapy, followed shortly by early intervention services. In those early days, well-meaning people often reassured me with, “He’s just fine,” or “Boys develop at their own pace.” Yet, as a healthcare professional and a mother, I felt a deeper truth in my heart.
Oliver will turn four in April, marking four years of my motherhood journey. However, my experience with autism is relatively brief; he was diagnosed shortly after his second birthday. While I may not be an expert in the realm of special needs parenting, I’ve gathered valuable insights along the way.
My family and I have built our life on four essential pillars that support us as we navigate this journey together.
1. Take a Breath
You often hear the advice to breathe, especially during labor, as you await your child’s first breath. Then comes the moment you receive a diagnosis of autism. Breathe. Allow yourself to grieve, cry, and process this news in whatever way you need. It’s okay to feel sadness as you come to terms with the challenges your child may face. I often grieve when I see my neurotypical daughter effortlessly achieving milestones that Oliver struggles with. It’s not that our lives are sad, but rather that I know life will be more difficult for him. In these moments, I remind myself to breathe.
2. Understand Their Struggles
As challenging as autism is for me, it’s even more difficult for Oliver. He is non-verbal and struggles to express his needs, which can lead to frustration for both of us. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed when I can’t decipher his non-verbal cues. It’s humbling to realize that my frustration pales in comparison to the challenges he faces daily. Those moments of meltdown? They stem from his own feelings of being over-stimulated, tired, and unable to communicate. It’s crucial to remember that while I may be navigating this journey, I am not the one living it — Oliver is.
3. Embrace the Journey
Recognize that every step on this path is a process. From evaluations to waiting lists for services, every part of your child’s development can feel overwhelming. I once advised a fellow parent on feeding therapy, proudly sharing that Oliver had graduated from it. Yet, the journey took two years, during which he struggled to progress beyond stage 1 baby food. Now, he can enjoy birthday parties like any other child, indulging in pizza and cake. This progress didn’t happen overnight; it was a gradual journey, and we had to trust the process.
4. Cherish Parenting Moments
Sometimes, I feel as if I’m on a chaotic ride, similar to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory tour, overwhelmed by flashing images of ABA therapy, speech sessions, and dietary concerns. It’s easy to lose sight of simply being a parent amidst the flurry of appointments and evaluations. However, I refuse to let these distractions cloud my ability to enjoy my children. When I witness Oliver and my daughter playing together, laughing, and sharing joy, it’s a reminder that these moments are precious and worth savoring. As I end my day, I listen to Oliver’s gentle breaths while he sleeps, grounding myself in the present and wondering about his dreams.
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Summary
Raising a child with special needs can be both challenging and rewarding. Embrace the journey through breath and understanding, recognizing that while the path is complex, it is filled with moments of joy and growth.