- If I ever say, “You look amazing,” the only appropriate reply is “Thank you.” And why did I even have to ask for your opinion?
- If you borrow my car and return it with the gas tank nearly empty, it indicates we’ve been avoiding a good argument for too long.
- Finishing the last of my Diet Coke without replacing it is just as bad as me leaving your beer stock depleted.
- Spending three hours trying to engage you in conversation while you shout at the television during the game isn’t what I consider quality time.
- No, I cannot maintain my pre-wedding physique while indulging in large dinners every night.
- Yes, I’m aware you dislike the music on my iPod. That’s why it’s called an “I” Pod.
- There are many beverages besides beer that can quench your thirst.
- Just because you have a penis doesn’t mean you know how to fix my car; please take it to the mechanic.
- Tossing all my delicate laundry into the dryer on high doesn’t qualify as “helping with the laundry.”
- There is no religious mandate preventing you from placing the new toilet paper roll on the dispenser instead of leaving it on the counter. I checked.
- Cranking up surround sound in a small living space isn’t “cool”; it’s simply obnoxious. I don’t need to hear helicopters hovering behind me.
- No woman believes “fine” means “beautiful.” When you say “You look fine,” we interpret it as “You look dull, but I’m tired of waiting, let’s go.” And the next time you ask, “Was it good for you?” I’ll respond, “It was fine.”
- After two gentle nudges and a swift kick, if you’re still snoring, I’m claiming the guest room. Yes, my love for you remains.
- A sports bar with endless wings and 27 televisions will never be my idea of a perfect date night. I’ll select the next venue, which will have no TVs but a fine wine selection.
- Even if we have shared a toothbrush, when you drink milk straight from the container, it’s off-limits for me. Same goes for my Diet Cokes. Glasses are located in the left cabinet of the fridge.
- Thong underwear is as comfortable as dental floss wedged in the backside, and high heels feel like wearing ballet shoes. These were designed by men—feel free to wear them.
- Pulling the duvet over crumpled sheets doesn’t count as “making the bed.”
- The distance from your hand to the sink is about the same as to the dishwasher, so please place dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink.
- I will never find jokes about being a ball-and-chain amusing. NEVER.
- If I wear something, it’s because I like it. If I like it, so should you—even if it’s boyfriend jeans.
- A two-minute back rub followed by the expectation of intimacy is not a proper massage.
- Continuously leaving the toilet seat up is comparable to a universal “Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.” No one is getting lucky tonight.
- Just because I handle the shopping doesn’t mean I’m the only one spending. The dry cleaning I picked up? Yours. That $40 moisturizer from Nordstrom? Yours. Those dozen t-shirts from Target? Yours. If you say “we” need to cut back, you go first.
- There are countless great films that don’t feature car chases, gunfire, or alien invasions. We enjoy comedies, musicals, and even romantic stories. Constantly asking, “When will something happen?” or “Do they really need to sing everything?” guarantees we’ll be watching movies in separate rooms.
- No, you cannot wear your neon tie-dyed college t-shirt to dinner with my parents or any event we attend together. Ever.
In summary, understanding these quirks and communication nuances can greatly enhance your relationship. For more insights on home insemination and pregnancy resources, check out this informative article or visit Make a Mom for expert advice. Additionally, the NICHD offers excellent resources for pregnancy information.