“I wasn’t honest at my doctor’s appointment,” shares a contributor on a parenting forum. “I told them I’ve only been with my partner.”
This admission is significant for several reasons. Beyond the troubling notion of deceiving a healthcare professional, it highlights a common issue many women face — the stigma surrounding the number of sexual partners they’ve had.
This stigma intensifies with each additional partner, perpetuating the stereotype that women with multiple partners are somehow morally inferior. This is a damaging narrative that needs to be challenged.
My own experiences have led to a relatively high number. Although I waited until 18 to lose my virginity, my college years were filled with exploration, and my count eventually reached 25. While I might hesitate to share this with my family, I don’t carry shame about it.
According to a sex history calculator featured in Slate that analyzes data from 2006 to 2013, I’ve had more partners than 95% of my peers. To be honest, I’m indifferent about that statistic. I’ve always recognized my past as that of someone who embraced pleasure and lived life fully.
The societal benchmarks for sexual partners among Millennials, Generation X, and Baby Boomers may be interesting, but ultimately irrelevant. What does your sexual history signify?
It simply indicates that you’ve had a certain number of sexual encounters. What it means personally can vary widely. For someone who conceals their number from their doctor, it may symbolize shame. For me, it evokes a sense of indifference. This isn’t because I lack feelings; rather, I acknowledge that I pursued joy and gratification.
While I didn’t seek profound emotional connections with my partners, I have reflected on my choices. Do I regret some encounters? Yes, but only with specific individuals who proved to be unworthy. Conversely, I sometimes wish I had explored connections I didn’t.
Through these experiences, I learned about my preferences and desires. I encountered a spectrum of intimacy, from exhilarating to forgettable, gaining valuable insights into myself and my body.
Your feelings about your sexual history likely correlate with your perceptions of the relationships associated with it. If you harbor resentment towards an ex, recalling them may cast a shadow over your number. Alternatively, if your experiences were driven by loneliness or a need for validation, you might view that chapter with discomfort. Cultural upbringing also plays a role; if you were raised to equate sexual activity with shame, it’s understandable that you might feel compelled to disguise your history.
So, what’s the path forward, regardless of how you feel about your past?
Your sexual history is a part of your narrative. As much as we might wish to alter our past, the reality is that we must learn to coexist with our experiences. The key is self-acceptance. Look in the mirror and recognize that your number is an integral aspect of who you are. It has shaped you, even the missteps, into the remarkable individual you’ve become.
While you may not have made perfect choices, those decisions are embedded in your identity — and you are worthy. Reflect on your journey, celebrate your accomplishments, and view your experiences, even the regrets, as lessons that contributed to your growth.
This discussion, of course, assumes that all encounters were consensual. If this is not the case, it’s vital to seek support. For those in need of help, please reach out to resources such as the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline.
Ultimately, your identity transcends any number. You are a vibrant, caring person with unique qualities, whether it’s your quirky laugh or your compassionate heart. You are not just a statistic; you’re a complex individual with so much more to offer than a simple number.
For more insights, consider checking out resources on home insemination, including information on at-home insemination kits, or visit Progyny’s blog for valuable information on pregnancy and related topics. Remember, your journey is yours to own.