In the world of parenting, certain phrases can unintentionally add to the stress many of us feel. Take, for example, the well-meaning yet often dismissive phrase, “Can’t you just…?” This phrase frequently crops up during conversations among parents, and it can leave those on the receiving end feeling inadequate and overwhelmed.
Consider my friend, Emma, a single mother whose daily schedule resembles that of a well-coordinated military operation. She rises early to nurse her infant while her toddler watches a show. Then she prepares breakfast, dresses both kids, packs lunches, and manages to get herself ready for work—all while keeping an eye on her children. After dropping them off at daycare and nursery school, she rushes to the subway, makes it to work, and then has to juggle picking up her kids, grocery shopping, dinner supervision, and bedtime routines. After all that, she typically finds herself cleaning the kitchen, dealing with work emails, and collapsing into bed for a short night’s sleep.
Emma rarely complains, but during one school pickup, she expressed a desire for her children to watch less television. Another parent chimed in with, “Can’t you just set out some crayons or craft supplies? That should keep him busy for a bit.” Emma sighed, acknowledging the suggestion but knowing that the TV would keep her kids occupied for a good 20 minutes, whereas the crayons would likely lose their interest in seconds—and then there would be the mess to clean up.
Similarly, another friend, Sarah, who has a demanding job, often relies on store-bought meals. When she mentioned in passing that she wished she could prepare homemade dinners, someone suggested, “Can’t you just prep meals on weekends and reheat them during the week?” Sarah responded, “Not really,” explaining that her weekends were already packed with errands, chores, and childcare.
These exchanges weren’t hostile; in fact, our parenting group is quite supportive. However, they can still leave a lingering feeling of inadequacy, as if these mothers should be able to achieve a picture-perfect parenting ideal if only they were more efficient. The truth is, even with a flexible schedule, I often struggle to fit in cooking, exercise, hobbies, and quality time with my kids. On most days, many of those tasks simply don’t get done.
The reality is that we should acknowledge that not every parenting challenge has a straightforward solution. Sometimes, addressing an issue may involve accepting less-than-ideal circumstances, such as opting for fast food or allowing extra screen time.
I recall my own experience when my second son was six weeks old. A college friend invited us to a park in Manhattan, but the thought of navigating the logistics with both kids was overwhelming. When my friend suggested, “Can’t you just use a baby carrier and bring a travel stroller?” I realized that, at that moment, I couldn’t bear the thought of managing all the packing and hand-holding necessary to make it happen. I felt guilty about not making the effort, but I was simply too exhausted to take on that challenge.
While this phrase may seem trivial, it can make parents—who are already grappling with feelings of inadequacy—feel even worse about their situations. Not everyone has the capacity to cook gourmet meals from scratch, squeeze in exercise, or maintain a spotless home. Sometimes, all we want is to unwind with a pint of ice cream.
So, let’s commit to eliminating this phrase from our conversations. It’s not our responsibility to solve our friends’ challenges, especially when they already know the conventional solutions. Instead, we should reassure one another that it’s perfectly okay to embrace the chaos of parenting.
For further insights on navigating parenting and family-building options, check out this excellent resource. If you’re interested in fertility and conception tips, consider visiting Make a Mom, an authority on the topic, or explore more on home insemination techniques.
In summary, let’s support each other by recognizing that parenting is challenging enough without the added pressure of unrealistic expectations. We can be there for one another, offering empathy instead of unsolicited advice.