March 24, 2023
They prepare us for the physical changes—stretch marks, sleepless nights, the chaos of diaper changes. They discuss car seat safety and the realities of breastfeeding. Yet, amidst all this preparation, no one mentions the profound guilt that often accompanies motherhood. Why is that?
There’s “working mom guilt,” “I have too many kids and can’t give them all my attention guilt,” “I have only one child and he needs a sibling guilt,” and “Why can’t I be more fun? guilt.” It feels never-ending. As our children grow, this guilt seems to evolve, presenting new challenges at every turn. Thanks a lot, motherhood!
Currently, I’m grappling with “I’m finally prioritizing myself guilt.” It’s a tough pill to swallow. While I’m engaging in something I love, that nagging guilt feels like tiny daggers in my heart throughout the day.
I often reflect on how my oldest child experienced a different version of me compared to my youngest. For five years before kindergarten, my firstborn had a mother who felt isolated, yearning for companionship and socialization. We attended countless playdates, parks, and coffee shops, desperately seeking connection. I fully embraced the stay-at-home mom role—crafts! (We once made a birdhouse from an orange juice container, which promptly molded and fell apart. But hey, we tried!) I was all in, believing that motherhood would fill me to the brim. Yet, I frequently felt empty, consumed by the “why don’t I love motherhood as much as I thought I would?” guilt.
Even with my dedication, I still felt guilty. When my second child arrived, I began to discover a different part of myself. Writing became a new passion, and suddenly, I found joy outside of motherhood. I could create something meaningful beyond changing diapers! This newfound identity was invigorating, offering me a sense of purpose and energy that motherhood alone could not fulfill.
Despite this, I continued to engage in playdates and school volunteering, still identifying as “just” a stay-at-home mom. But as my third child entered the world, a transformation had taken place. By the time he could comprehend his surroundings, the mother he knew was already writing for significant portions of the day. He’s never seen the mom his older brother had; he knows a work-from-home mother instead. While I still take them to the park, it’s less frequent. My youngest enjoys an hour of quality time, while my older children had my undivided attention for endless minutes.
And yes, guilt accompanies this shift.
But, amidst that guilt, I also feel an incredible sense of fulfillment. I feel important, needed, and successful in my work. Motherhood doesn’t always satiate those voids, even though raising our children remains our top priority.
I value the early days filled with playdates and mom friends. Those connections were crucial for my sanity. But as I delved deeper into motherhood, I recognized a need for more. Choosing to become a different kind of mom meant redefining my identity and showing my children what it looks like when a mother takes care of herself.
At the end of each day, I often reflect on the moments spent with my kids, especially my youngest. Did I give him enough of my time? If the answer is no, I resolve to improve the next day. Whether it’s putting away my laptop for a nature walk or a marathon board game session, I strive to balance work and motherhood.
I continue to work, demonstrating to my children that self-care is equally important. Because a mother’s responsibilities are never truly complete.
In conclusion, it’s essential to acknowledge the diverse experiences of motherhood. Each journey is unique, and recognizing the guilt we face can help us navigate this complex path. For more insights on topics like insemination and fertility, check out this resource, which expands on various aspects of family planning. Also, for those looking to enhance fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable supplements and advice. Plus, you can visit WebMD for an excellent overview of insemination success rates.