Even by the relaxed standards of 1970s child-rearing, my upbringing was remarkably permissive. My mother’s approach was decidedly hands-off, emphasizing independence over constant supervision. There were no set bedtimes; we simply went to sleep whenever fatigue struck us. Each of us had our own televisions in our rooms, which is how I learned more about romance from shows like The Love Boat than any child should at that age.
When it came to quitting activities, my mother offered no grand motivational speeches. My older brother, uninterested in summer camp, opted instead for hours of Dungeons & Dragons and Space Invaders. If I found an after-school program less than enjoyable, her straightforward advice was, “If you’re not into it, just quit.” And that’s exactly what I did—I quit gymnastics, pottery, musical theater, Hebrew school, ice skating, and even the high school track team. While I was still figuring out my interests, I was learning what I didn’t want to do.
This pattern of quitting continued into adulthood; I left 12 jobs that didn’t fit my aspirations before finally finding my niche. However, when my own 8-year-old daughter expressed her desire to quit ballet after five years of lessons, I instinctively uttered, “You’re not a quitter.” That perspective didn’t come from my mother.
“Why can’t I quit?” she asked, and I paused to reflect. What troubled me was the investment we had made—both financially and in time—toward her ballet journey. But perhaps my concern stemmed from my own aspirations for her, not necessarily what she wanted for herself. Was it my desire for her to excel and persevere that was shaping my view?
In today’s parenting culture, there’s a persistent belief that children must be winners, and that quitting is a sign of failure. But does my child truly need to be a winner? I’m not convinced. While Vince Lombardi’s famous quote, “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” is well-known, it’s worth noting that his coaching style often included harsh treatment of his family. Is there a correlation here? Perhaps.
My children may not always emerge as winners, but I want them to grow up with a healthy sense of self-worth. A wise friend recently pointed out, “Why do we impose such high expectations on our kids? Just look at us.” It’s true; I’m a decent parent, but I’m no Nobel Prize laureate, CEO, or Olympic champion.
Consider the legends—Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Michael Phelps, the latter being the most decorated Olympian in history. Phelps’ mother enrolled him in swimming classes at age 7 to channel his excess energy. He thrived in an environment that suited him. What if she had chosen art or music instead? He might have quit those pursuits.
I realized that if my daughter hesitated to quit ballet, she would be wasting precious time that could be better spent discovering her true passions. Maybe my mother was onto something when she said, “Do what makes you happy.” Perhaps the most valuable lesson she imparted was, “If you don’t love it, quit.”
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In summary, my mother’s teachings on quitting have shaped my perspective on persistence and passion. It’s essential to follow what brings joy, rather than feeling trapped by expectations.
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