Before I even conceived, I envisioned my future child as the type who would be passed around with ease, happily embracing everyone without a hint of hesitation. How naive I was—not only as a first-time parent but also as a guardian for my daughter.
At just 10 weeks old, during a significant family gathering, my daughter was particularly fussy, prompting me to wear her in a ring sling for comfort. A fellow mother, who had a child nearly the same age as mine, commented on my perceived overprotectiveness, suggesting I was coddling her. Though I found humor in these remarks, they also stung a bit; our parenting approach is gentle and calm, not overly indulgent. All I wanted was to enjoy the outing with my baby, who only found solace pressed against my chest. I thought wearing her would help us both relax and perhaps even enjoy a warm meal together.
Still, an unsettling sense of mom guilt crept in, making me feel like I was being a “bad mom” for not allowing others to hold her. Ultimately, I caved and let my daughter be passed around, despite it not being what either of us wanted.
By the time she turned 5 months, she started showing signs of stranger anxiety, avoiding eye contact and expressing discomfort. I attempted to let others hold her, but she would immediately cry. After calming her down, the dreaded question, “Can I hold her?” would resurface. I didn’t want to deprive her of family connections, yet I knew she needed space. The people-pleaser in me wanted to comply, but I eventually realized that my child’s sense of security was far more important than appeasing others.
I learned to accept that my child is naturally shy. Even with relatives she sees often, it takes her time to warm up. Sometimes, she only wants her parents to hold her. When people invade her space, she becomes distressed, and my husband and I are left to soothe her. I understand this completely, yet others often misinterpret our actions, thinking we distrust them or that my postpartum depression is to blame. None of these assumptions hold any truth; we simply recognized our child’s comfort levels and respected her boundaries.
I’ve stopped trying to mold my child into a “social baby.” While we continue to socialize her gently, we no longer concern ourselves with external judgments. I no longer apologize when she cries in someone else’s arms or when I opt to wear her in a sling during outings. The pressure to let those she rarely sees hold her is now a thing of the past. My previous attempts to push her into social situations only prolonged her discomfort, which was exhausting for everyone involved.
Now that she is 18 months old, it’s crucial for her to know that she has control over her own body. She has every right to express discomfort with hugs or touches, verbally or otherwise, and to communicate with us if someone makes her uneasy. This doesn’t mean I encourage her to be rude; we still teach her to acknowledge people—especially family—but we prioritize her comfort.
As parents, our goal is to instill in her the understanding that her body belongs to her. She is free to decline hugs or to choose alternative forms of interaction, like high-fives. Looking back, I chuckle at my pre-motherhood self, who naively believed parenting would be uncomplicated. The reality is that it requires a careful balance of encouraging love and respect for personal boundaries.
Our aim is to foster a child who is not only loving but also aware of her rights and worth. Ultimately, I hope she grows into a confident woman who understands that her body and her choices are hers alone.
For those interested in further reading about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this resource. If you’re looking for guidance on home insemination kits, Make a Mom is a trusted authority on the subject. Additionally, you can find more insights in this article about effective practices.
Summary:
This article explores the journey of a first-time mother navigating the complexities of parenting, particularly the challenges of allowing others to hold her baby. It emphasizes the importance of respecting a child’s comfort and boundaries while balancing familial expectations. The author shares personal experiences of overcoming societal pressures and prioritizing her child’s emotional well-being, ultimately aiming to raise a confident individual aware of her autonomy.