I can hardly recall how many teeth my youngest child has. Is it eight or ten? With my first-born, I would have kept meticulous notes, proudly documenting each milestone in her baby book and inundating family with pictures of her new teeth as they emerged. But now? I’m less concerned. Sure, I could count them, but honestly, it doesn’t matter to me.
You might be thinking, “How can you not care?” It’s true that I adore my daughter, but the specifics—like the number of teeth or hair strands—just aren’t as significant this time around. Before you send me a strongly-worded message questioning my love for my children, let me clarify: I’m not neglecting the important things; I’m simply letting go of the minutiae that don’t define my parenting. My priority is her happiness and well-being, and I do have plans to fill out her baby book before she goes to college!
I believe this laid-back approach applies to all of us who have added more children to our families. Yes, we may overlook certain details, but this shift in focus allows us to better manage the more challenging aspects of parenting—like sleepless nights and endless laundry without getting bogged down by minor milestones. We begin to appreciate the bigger picture, rather than fixating on what seems fair.
The love I have for my two daughters is unique—not more or less, just distinct. Each has her own personality and way of expressing affection. One thrives on laughter and energy, while the other seeks comfort and peace. Their interests vary greatly too; one is enchanted by ballet and pink, while the other is all about soccer and dirt. Importantly, their needs as children differ. One is bold and adventurous, while the other is thoughtful and a bit anxious.
Many parents express concern about how they will evenly distribute their love and attention when welcoming a new child. They wonder if they can love another child as fiercely as their first. I totally get that uncertainty. My firstborn was a handful, keeping me awake many nights, but she was my world before her sister arrived.
I remember asking my friend, a seasoned mom, how she navigated the emotional landscape when her second child joined the family. “When I brought Mia home from the hospital, her older brother Ethan looked at her and made a sudden movement. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I instinctively felt the need to protect Mia immediately. I crouched over her, worried that Ethan might hurt her. That protective instinct was new and intense. It made me realize that I could love two children with equal ferocity,” she shared.
I can relate to that feeling. The protective instincts kick in for my second child, and my heart expanded in ways I hadn’t anticipated. However, as she grows, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like I’m missing out on the details of her development, just as many parents do in larger families.
After adding a second or third child, it’s common to worry about how they might perceive our divided attention. We might try to ensure everything feels equal, but this pursuit can actually hinder our ability to show genuine care. Instead of stressing over fairness, it’s essential to focus on the unique needs of each child. Embrace the chaos and let go of the need to measure every interaction.
The beauty of having multiple children lies in the experience you gain, which builds your confidence in navigating parenting challenges. Love doesn’t have to be measured equally; it should be individualized and authentic. Rather than stressing over baby books and milestones, celebrate your growth as a parent. Your kids thrive on your unique, uncalculated love.
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In summary, while parenting multiple children may lead to missed details, it fosters a deeper understanding of love that is individualized and authentic. Embrace the journey, and focus on what truly matters—your presence and connection with each child.