Parenting Insights
Recently, I found myself asking my daughter to respond to a situation “as a human.” As those words left my lips, I couldn’t help but reflect on whether my expectations had sunk so low that I had to remind her of something that should come naturally. In today’s world, saturated with social media and the complexities of adolescent development, it’s vital that we not only speak about vulnerability but actively teach it.
Having carefully monitored the influence of smartphones, I’ve become aware of how my own emotions shift while scrolling through social media. As a therapist working with teens and young adults, I’ve witnessed firsthand the effects these platforms can have on their mental health.
I began to pay close attention when several clients, without any prompting, mentioned that they felt more prepared to tackle their day after deleting Snapchat. They shared how removing the constant barrage of “stories” from their mornings made a significant difference. Additionally, the insecurities that arose from comparing themselves to curated images of friend groups were hard to ignore. Just mentioning the term “friend group” often evokes feelings of longing among teens, leading them to believe that “everyone else has one, except me.”
This awareness has significantly influenced my parenting style. A recent incident involving two high school girls in a physical altercation reminded me of the intense emotions associated with such experiences. I recalled the unsettling feeling that arose when I witnessed similar events at my son’s age—an overwhelming mix of dread and concern. I couldn’t help but wonder how the teens involved would process that moment in their lives.
My son didn’t witness the fight in person, but many onlookers resorted to their phones to capture the event. When he shared a video that had circulated on Snapchat, I heard laughter in the background—an unsettling giggle often heard when people feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to react. Instead of stepping in, the instinct to document the chaos had taken over.
As I watched that footage, those familiar feelings of fear and anxiety resurfaced. However, as an adult, I also felt empathy for the teenagers involved. Would this become a traumatic memory for them? How would they navigate their emotions moving forward? Trauma can alter one’s perception of safety, making it challenging to feel secure in familiar spaces like a classroom.
I was relieved when my son mentioned he would check in on one of the girls involved. I admired his kindness and hoped she could find comfort in knowing someone cared. I thought about the narrative she might be crafting in her mind, her emotions, and the importance of having someone wise to help her process it all.
The following day, I casually asked my son if students were still discussing the fight. To my surprise, he showed me videos where peers had added humorous captions and filters, turning a distressing event into something entertaining. While I understood the impulse to cope with the overwhelming nature of such experiences by making them less serious, I felt compelled to remind my son to embrace his emotions. I encouraged him to feel scared, sad, or overwhelmed instead of masking those feelings with cleverness.
We often hear discussions about how smartphones can diminish vulnerability. Teens now have the option to escape feelings of awkwardness or insecurity by losing themselves in an app, rather than confronting these emotions head-on. Recent segments, like one on The Today Show, have highlighted how screen time may affect adolescent brain development and engagement in extracurricular activities.
As a therapist, I’ve observed how individuals often use their phones to numb their feelings, seeking quick validation through likes and views. Yet, I’ve also seen how authentic vulnerability can foster resilience. Allowing oneself to experience discomfort, rather than avoiding it, can lead to growth. Therefore, I’ll continue to encourage my children to embrace their feelings—even when they are painful or distressing. They will learn to navigate through discomfort and emerge stronger in the face of future challenges.
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Summary:
Encouraging teens to embrace their vulnerability is crucial in a world dominated by social media. By fostering emotional awareness and resilience, we can help them navigate difficult feelings and grow stronger in the face of challenges. As parents and caregivers, it’s essential to remind our children to experience their emotions authentically, rather than seeking to mask them with distractions.