As a parent, we all reach a point of frustration. Our daily lives can often be “spiced up” with the various phases our children experience. From Sleep Troubles to Pouty Moods, there’s a new phase currently taking over my household that I’ve dubbed The Irritable Phase. My eldest tween has transformed into a grumpy, eye-rolling whirlwind the moment her feet hit the floor in the morning.
I wish I could say that I handle her sassy remarks, dramatic sighs, and overt disrespect with the grace of a seasoned yogi. However, if an adult — a colleague or a friend — were to respond to me in such a manner, I would be taken aback (unless, of course, they just drank expired milk). Interestingly, my moody tween is quite charming in public, a delightful student to her teachers and peers (or so I’ve been informed). While that’s reassuring, it hardly alleviates the tension at home. At first, I made excuses for her behavior:
- Sleep: She must not be getting enough rest.
- Stress: She’s anxious about the upcoming school year.
- Hunger: She needs to eat more.
But these rationalizations fall flat when I recognize she goes to bed at a reasonable hour, enjoys school, and isn’t starving.
After one particularly snappy morning, I jokingly told her I’d keep a tally of her eye-rolls and snarky comments, and for every ten, she owed me a dollar. Thankfully, she’s not keen on losing money, so that worked for the day.
Finding effective strategies on the spot that don’t also ruin another mom’s plans can be tricky. I am, after all, “Mom,” and I have my ways. So, why has my lovely daughter suddenly transformed into a resident of “Rudeness Realm”?
The reasons are clear; we all understand this transformation. It’s a combination of hormones and a strong desire for independence that is often overwhelming. What she truly needs during these moments is space. This can be tough for me, as my instinct has always been to offer comfort and conversation. However, it was time for a new tactic.
1. Embrace Silence.
For a talker like me, this is a challenge. I have a tendency to ask questions and prompt discussions. Now, I’m learning to simply be quiet. By turning away and engaging in another activity, like blasting music while doing the dishes, I can avoid escalating emotions. When no words are exchanged, it creates a space for both of us to reflect.
2. Create Distance.
When tensions rise, it’s crucial to separate. I encourage her to retreat to her room or take a walk. Yet, when she digs in her heels, I choose to leave the room. It’s remarkable how a brief break can alleviate tension and help her calm down.
3. Practice Patience.
Beneath that prickly exterior, our kids are still the same lovable individuals. Providing them with space and not pushing them into conversations they aren’t ready for allows them to regain composure. They often emerge from their moods visibly regretful, as if they wish they could retract their previous behavior.
4. Discuss Later.
Once the heat of the moment has passed, and the school day is behind us, it’s time to talk. Start with low-pressure questions to gauge their mood. I find that expressing feelings of disappointment can be very effective. It resonates with my child, prompting apologies and often leading to a much better atmosphere for the rest of the day.
These strategies have made a noticeable difference in my interactions with my tween. Just the other morning when my daughter was particularly huffy, we maintained our composure and didn’t react to her attitude. As she left for school, I could see a fleeting moment in her eyes—a longing for a hug—before she waved goodbye. This too shall pass, I remind myself for the umpteenth time, but it’s true.
In conclusion, if you’re struggling with your own tween, consider trying these approaches. They might just help ease the tension. For more insights on parenting and navigating these phases, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.