Late at night, instead of resting, you find yourself aimlessly scrolling through social media. Suddenly, a post catches your eye: your friend, a seemingly perfect mother of five, proudly shares beautiful images of her family. They’re celebrating their sixth wedding anniversary, surrounded by their well-dressed children in front of a picturesque chapel. The caption reads, “Renewing our vows for the sixth time! I’m so grateful for this man and our family.”
In that moment, it feels as though the wind has been knocked out of you. As you reflect on your own nearly 14-year marriage, you realize that you can barely count the number of date nights you’ve had in recent years. The shame creeps in, and then the judgment begins—snarky thoughts about how your friend is showing off flood your mind. But deep down, what you’re really grappling with is the discomfort of your own struggles, especially as your marriage has faced challenges and your parenting duties have become overwhelming.
This seemingly joyous occasion has triggered a wave of self-doubt, envy, and comparison. You feel as though your friend’s happiness highlights your own perceived shortcomings. That inner critic, which often surfaces when you see others succeed, is a defense mechanism. For us moms, as we navigate the unrelenting demands of parenting, it’s all too easy to fall prey to feelings of inadequacy when confronted with others’ accomplishments, particularly via social media.
You’re not alone in this. Many mothers experience similar emotions—be it feelings of isolation when a friend shares photos from a fun night out, or the pressure that comes from seeing an expertly planned birthday party for a toddler that only serves to remind you of the one you couldn’t pull off. A friend of mine, Sarah, confided that my recent trip to a theme park sparked a week-long slump for her, as she felt disheartened that her family couldn’t afford such an outing.
Research supports these sentiments. A study by UK charity Scope revealed that 62% of 1,500 social media users reported feelings of inadequacy, while 60% admitted to experiencing jealousy. Motherhood, unlike any other role, often leaves us feeling unacknowledged, as we lack tangible rewards for our efforts. While unpaid internships might provide valuable experience, motherhood offers no such recognition. Instead, we toil tirelessly, cherishing only the small, intangible rewards, such as a child’s hug or a sweet drawing.
In other areas of life—school, work, or even hobbies—efforts are typically rewarded with tangible outcomes: grades, paychecks, or praise. So, where does this leave us as mothers, who often seek acknowledgment for our relentless hard work? Enter social media, which becomes a platform for us to showcase our curated lives. We tend to post only the highlights: our children’s cutest moments, milestones, and our own fleeting successes, all in search of validation.
It’s easy to criticize others based on what we see, but perhaps we can shift our perspective. That seemingly flawless mom celebrating her child’s academic achievement might be facing her own challenges behind the scenes. She, too, craves recognition for her hard work. Instead of envy, let’s choose kindness and acknowledge one another’s efforts.
Next time you encounter a post that stirs up feelings of jealousy or self-doubt, take a moment to breathe. Remind yourself of the times you wished for acknowledgment for your own efforts. Let’s strive to uplift one another, recognizing that we are all on this difficult, often lonely journey of motherhood together.
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Summary
Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt among mothers, as they compare their lives to the curated posts of others. Instead of succumbing to envy, it’s important to recognize that every mother faces her own struggles and to offer mutual support and kindness.