Back in the early ’90s, if someone had suggested to me, an ambitious, career-oriented feminist, that I would pause my extensive education to become a stay-at-home mom, I would have laughed them off. That wasn’t the world I was prepared for. However, the reality is that life often steers you in unexpected directions.
Over the past eight years, I’ve been responsible for the care of my children, navigating two distinct experiences as a stay-at-home mom. The first was surprisingly fulfilling, while the second has been a challenge in many ways.
My initial journey took place in Turkey with my eldest child. I was a full-time teacher until I went on maternity leave, expecting to return to work the following year. But when my husband, who is Turkish, received a job transfer, we moved from a lively city to a rural village where job opportunities were non-existent. It was a tough transition, but with the help of Martha Stewart reruns and support from local mothers, I adapted and even thrived in my new role. Yet, once we moved back home after two years, I was eager to jump back into my career.
My second stint as a stay-at-home mom was not a choice I made; it was thrust upon me. My husband convinced me I only needed a brief break to help our 2-year-old through a significant surgery, but it quickly turned into an indefinite commitment. As I navigated the daily routines of drop-offs and playground visits, it became evident that being a stay-at-home mom in America is a totally different ball game, and I’m not quite hitting the mark.
1. My Wardrobe Lacks Athleisure
In Turkey, there were few places to go outside my home, so the typical mom attire was relaxed and informal. Here in the U.S., every school pick-up demands a fresh, coordinated look in workout clothes. Just last week, I heard a fellow mom mention her “yoga dress,” which left me utterly confused. While many moms look great in their sporty outfits, I’m just not cut out for that style. I’ll stick to my jeans!
2. Playgroups Are Not My Thing
In Turkey, social interactions were casual and fleeting; you’d chat with other moms at the beach or park and then part ways. Here, it seems like if you want your kid to socialize, you need to join a playgroup, which often leads to obligatory meetings and forced friendships. I prefer my social life to be spontaneous and low-key.
3. I’m Not a Fan of Mom Conversations
In Turkey, conversations with other mothers involved lighthearted gossip, not this overwhelming focus on motherhood. In America, mom-talk is everywhere, from playgrounds to libraries. I sometimes resort to speaking in Turkish around other moms to avoid the conversation. While I can discuss parenting topics, I’d rather share a few laughs about politics or books instead.
4. Playing is Not My Strong Suit
American mothers seem to spend an excessive amount of time playing with their children, while Turkish moms leave that to the grandparents. I appreciate that mindset. I don’t have the energy to embark on daily adventures in imaginary worlds. If my kids want to play a quick game, I’m in for a short while, but I won’t be their playmate all day.
5. I Miss Working
Like in Turkey, I find that I struggle with the isolation of stay-at-home life. I crave adult conversations that don’t revolve around diaper changes. I prefer dressing up for work rather than wearing the same comfortable clothes every day. There’s something fulfilling about sharing a laugh with coworkers and venting about the workplace.
I never anticipated that I’d feel more equipped for motherhood in my husband’s culture than my own. Regardless of my struggles, I’m determined to navigate this journey, and it’s clear I’ll need to invest in more comfortable clothing.
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In summary, while my experience as a stay-at-home mom has its challenges, I am determined to make it work with my unique perspective and style.