Navigating Co-Sleeping When You Prefer to Sleep Alone
11 PM: The evening begins with everyone settled in their respective beds, hopeful this arrangement will last.
12:30 AM: Arise to calm the baby back to slumber.
1:30 AM: Get up again to rock the baby, who seems unwilling to return to sleep.
2 AM: Make a bathroom trip. Regret not keeping up with those pelvic floor exercises.
2:45 AM: Attempt to soothe the baby back to sleep, but he remains wide awake. Feeling cold and utterly drained, you bring him into your bed, promising yourself this is the last time (as you always do).
2:50 AM: Remember safe co-sleeping guidelines: protect your face, hair, and vital organs from the baby’s kicks and pulls as he settles in.
2:55 AM: Receive an unexpected blow to the temple—how does such a small being have such force? Stay composed, cursing silently in your mind.
3 AM: You and your partner cling to the bed’s edge, astonished at how much space one little baby can occupy, seemingly sprouting extra limbs.
3:10 AM: Communicate with your partner through exaggerated gestures about your octopus-like baby and the diminishing space for all three of you. Watch him retreat to the spare room, leaving you clinging to the edge as well.
3:15 AM: As you wait for the baby to settle (or stop assaulting you), feel thankful that you’re lying down instead of standing in the nursery, playing the endless “shush-pat” game.
3:20 AM: Just as the baby drifts off, you suddenly feel the urge to cough. Try to suppress it, but end up releasing a strangled sound reminiscent of a sick dog.
3:25 AM: Struggle to free your hair from the baby’s tight grip. Exhaustion has you convinced you can sleep through the discomfort.
3:26 AM: Realize you can’t ignore the pain. Again, curse silently, but with fervor.
3:30 AM: Cycle through these thoughts: No one else co-sleeps, co-sleeping is a natural instinct, it fosters dependency, co-sleeping works for us, I’ll regret this, is my scalp bleeding? We’re almost out of bread.
3:55 AM: Look down at your little one curled up beside you, appreciating the closeness and the rhythm of his breathing as you start to drift off.
5:15 AM: Wake up in a panic, thinking the baby isn’t there. He is—his head resting uncomfortably on your bladder.
5:20 AM: Ignore the urgent need to use the bathroom, attempting to fall back asleep. Contemplate if bed-wetting is an acceptable trade-off for disturbing the baby. Remain undecided.
5:25 AM: Gently move your baby’s head—success! You fall back asleep.
6:15 AM: Awaken to your baby joyfully hitting you with his pacifier, grinning. Another successful night—for him at least.
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Summary
Co-sleeping can often lead to a series of humorous and exhausting experiences for parents. From navigating the physical space on the bed to dealing with the baby’s unpredictable sleep habits, it’s a journey filled with challenges and unexpected joys. Parents must adapt to new routines while balancing their need for sleep with the demands of their little ones.