13 Signs You’ve Embraced the Costco Lifestyle

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I still vividly remember the day our local Costco opened its doors. The lines were endless, snaking around the parking lot and nearly reaching the neighboring hardware store. Excited shoppers clutched their wallets, eager for the deals inside. It felt like a celebrity was about to make an appearance.

I was right there in line, with four hungry kids at home. The rumor mill had it that milk was under $2.00 a gallon. You bet I was ready to dive in.

As the doors swung open, the crowd surged forward, and honestly, the details of that first shopping trip are a blur. But one thing is crystal clear: that day marked a turning point for me. Nearly a decade later, I’m still a proud Costco member. There have been a few hiatuses in my membership, but as soon as the clouds cleared, I was back—renewal form in hand, ready to enjoy avocados for under a dollar each.

So, have you also crossed over to the Costco side? Here are some indicators that you’ve joined me, and countless others, in this unique universe:

1. Sam’s Club? No Thanks! When a Sam’s Club flyer lands in your mailbox, you toss it aside like yesterday’s news. You think, “How dare they send this to me?” and promptly recycle it. Cheating on Costco? Never.
2. Undergarments from Costco? It starts innocently enough. You spot a 3-pack of comfy camis and think, “Why not?” Next thing you know, you’re eyeing Flexees shapewear, realizing your current collection resembles rags more than anything else. Into the cart they go, nestled between dental treats for your dog and a massive bag of Babybel cheese.
3. Returns of Perishable Items: In the days before Costco, if I found moldy raspberries or rotten potatoes, I’d just accept it. Now, Costco encourages returns on questionable food. My first return experience felt like a scene from a coming-of-age novel. I nervously handed over a package of fish, sheepishly explaining, “Um, there are live worms in this.” The employee assured me that it was a sign of freshness, and I left feeling oddly proud.
4. Costco Cakes for Every Occasion: Whether you’re hosting a gathering for six or sixty, you find a way to justify buying a Costco cake. The price is unbeatable, and let’s be honest, it’s hard to resist finishing off the leftovers the next day—even if it feels a bit shameful.
5. Weekend Wandering: You venture to Costco on weekends for items that aren’t necessities. It’s one thing to stock up on toilet paper, but a whole different ballgame to casually browse on a Saturday—when even the devil himself would think twice.
6. Meals from Impulse Buys: You’ve served your family dinner made entirely of impulse buys from Costco. Just last week, I whipped up mini-quiches for breakfast, proudly proclaiming, “They’re made with fresh eggs and milk!”
7. Checkout Entertainment: You seek out the lively cashier who can keep your kids entertained during checkout. The one with the charming accent and a knack for humor—think of a comical version of a late-night host.
8. A Gigantic Jar of Coconut Oil: Somewhere in your kitchen, there’s a jar of coconut oil that could rival a small oil drum. You’re trying to finish it before the next viral post claims it’s detrimental to your health. Stir-fry, anyone?
9. Loyalty with Limits: While you’re devoted to Costco, you’ve learned the hard way that not every product is a win. You once tried the store-brand soap, only to find it too harsh for everyday use. You promptly relegated the remaining bars to the bathroom your teenage boys share—those bars have been there for ages.
10. Disneyland? No Thanks! Your kids have been begging for a trip to Disneyland, but you can’t help but think, “Why go there when Kirkland has everything we need?”
11. Close Calls with Shoppers: You’ve nearly been run over by an overly enthusiastic shopper too preoccupied with their phone to notice you. Their intense discussion about kale smoothies and celebrity appearances could rival a scene from a comedy show.
12. Lost Kids in the Aisles: At some point during your Costco visits, you’ve misplaced a child, only to find them moments later munching on a churro and singing show tunes with a tranquil family.
13. Sample Showdowns: You’ve had the awkward experience of navigating through crowds of sample-takers, witnessing the chaos as they shove bites of spanakopita into their mouths. It’s a spectacle you won’t soon forget, and it can feel like a culinary battlefield.

So, dear friends, welcome to the Costco experience. Just remember, if you plan on shopping on a Saturday, get there before 6:00 PM!

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Summary:

In this lighthearted exploration, we delve into the humorous signs that indicate you’ve fully embraced the Costco lifestyle. From tossing Sam’s Club flyers to serving Costco cakes at every event, these relatable experiences show how Costco has become an integral part of many families’ lives.