When it comes to parenting, one truth stands out: it truly takes a village. From friends swooping in to pick up my kids from school when I’m stuck in traffic, to neighbors bringing over soup and Gatorade during flu season, and even veteran moms offering kind words to those of us feeling overwhelmed—motherhood can be a challenging journey. It’s essential to have support, even if that means accepting a helping hand now and then.
However, sometimes the “help” offered can feel more like an intrusion. And honestly, it can be downright disrespectful to a mother who’s trying her best. Yes, I’m talking to you, LISA. You remember me and my three kids at the grocery store last week, right? We were at the checkout line while I dealt with an issue with my payment (great timing!). My little ones were waiting in the aisles, a bit restless after running errands all day, and it was lunchtime. One was only four years old, to add to the chaos.
I kept checking back, reminding them to behave, use quiet voices, and not touch each other. It was a long 10 minutes, but we managed. I apologize for holding up the line—I know it’s frustrating. My kids can be lively, especially after a day of errands, but they were not out of control. They were simply being kids. So you can imagine my shock—no, my anger—when I found out you decided to discipline them while I was busy sorting things out.
You were at the back of the line, and though my children were in plain sight, I had no idea you were shushing them or telling them to stop touching each other. Did you think I couldn’t handle my own kids? Did you assume I needed your help? And most importantly, did I ask for your intervention? It’s one thing to offer assistance; it’s another to impose your parenting style on my children.
I appreciate help in various forms, like when someone holds the door or lends a hand with a stroller, but let’s get this straight: you did not birth my children, so please back off, KAREN. Don’t instruct them on politeness or behavior when I’m right there. Instead, perhaps you should take a seat and relax. You don’t know my kids, and it’s not your place to parent them. If they aren’t causing harm, there’s no reason for you to showcase your parenting techniques.
If you have a different perspective on parenting, that’s perfectly fine. But honestly, JENNY, I’m not interested. You do your thing, and I’ll do mine. We’re navigating this parenting journey together, and we’re doing alright.
If you genuinely want to help, I might appreciate it—but please don’t quietly correct my kids from the back of the line while I’m just a few feet away. I brought those three into the world, and I will be the one to guide their behavior in public.
This article was originally published on Feb. 17, 2018. For more insights, feel free to check out one of our other blog posts about home insemination kits.
In summary, while community support in parenting is invaluable, unsolicited discipline from strangers can cross a line. Parents know their kids best and should be the primary authority in their lives.