It’s official—my three-and-a-half-year-old, Oliver, has finally mastered potty training! Cue the celebratory music and lights! This is a monumental achievement for both Oliver and me. There was a point when my partner and I feared he might head off to college still wearing a Pull-Up. So, as promised, here is a guide to navigating the arduous journey of potty training in 36 frustrating steps.
- Start with the naive belief that potty training will be a breeze and set your expectations sky-high.
- Adjust your expectations. No, lower them even more. Now take them down a notch or two. That’s about right.
- Purchase an extravagant $45 superhero-themed potty from an online retailer, complete with a flushing handle that plays a catchy tune.
- Place this fancy potty in the bathroom, where it will soon become merely a decorative item.
- Discover that your child would prefer to continue soiling himself rather than use the costly potty.
- Endure the catchy tune playing endlessly as your child loves to pull the handle, even while still in his diaper.
- Ask your child if he wants to try sitting on the potty, only to witness a scene resembling a tiny tantrum.
- Buy some cool superhero underwear to entice him into using the potty.
- Dress your excited child in the new underwear, only for him to continue having accidents.
- Switch to Pull-Ups.
- Use candy as an incentive for your child to pee in the potty.
- End up giving him an overwhelming amount of candy in one day as he learns to manipulate the system.
- Realize your child is still using his Pull-Up and decide to take a step back until he shows readiness.
- Change a diaper containing an astonishingly large mess that prompts you to reconsider your approach.
- Witness your child relieve himself in the backyard one day and feel a mix of shock and relief that it wasn’t on the floor.
- Let him spend an entire weekend without clothes in hopes he will use the potty.
- Celebrate when he successfully poops in the potty for the first time and reward him with a small prize.
- Spend the following week scrubbing Play-Doh out of the carpet as a consequence.
- Watch helplessly as your child urinates in one of your favorite shoes.
- Breathe a sigh of relief when the weekend concludes, allowing you to reclaim your space.
- Continue letting your child go without clothes whenever you’re home, which proves effective.
- Attempt to persuade the babysitter to allow him to run around naked, only to receive a firm refusal.
- Decide it’s time to try the big boy underwear once more.
- Convince him that superheroes wear big boy underwear, emphasizing that even Superman wears them under his costume!
- Spend the next few weeks in the bathroom, playing endless videos on your device while your child attempts to “do his business.”
- Acknowledge the few successes he has with pride.
- Clean up pee from the floor multiple times.
- Retrieve his favorite action figure from the potty after an accident, realizing some toys are not meant for such adventures.
- Discard several pairs of ruined underwear because the clean-up is simply too much.
- Wake up several times during the night due to accidents.
- Have a moment of clarity when you see that he is finally getting the hang of it.
- Celebrate his progress and express how proud you are of his hard work.
- Realize he’s 99% potty trained, and it only took a year.
- Store the unused $45 potty in the basement for potential future use.
- Nearly panic when he insists on using a public restroom and sits on a questionable toilet seat.
- Acknowledge that perhaps you should have adjusted your expectations even further, yet celebrate the freedom from diapers by considering another baby.
So there you have it! A comprehensive guide to potty training in 36 tedious steps. Anyone can accomplish this, and you can thank me in a year when you’re through the process. For more insights on family planning and pregnancy, check out this informative post on terms and conditions. Also, for authoritative resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit and Genetics and IVF Institute.
Summary:
Potty training can be a long and arduous journey filled with unexpected challenges. By adjusting expectations, using creative incentives, and navigating the ups and downs, parents can successfully guide their children through this essential developmental milestone.