Last Christmas, my partner surprised me with a sewing machine. I had a basic understanding of sewing, and we were concerned that I might need to create a costume for our son’s holiday pageant. So, I crafted three headpieces for the magi, which turned out to be surprisingly straightforward.
After that, I began to ponder what else I could easily create. Pillowcases seemed like a perfect choice. I envisioned making festive, Christmas-themed pillowcases for everyone. I set up my sewing machine in the dining room and dove right in. I ironed, pinned, and French-seamed my way through the fabric, and suddenly, I was no longer consumed by anxiety over deadlines, my partner’s tardiness, or the myriad of worries that often cloud my mind. In that moment, I was simply content, lost in my task and disconnected from the outside world.
Living with moderate to severe anxiety means that I often find myself fixating on trivial details that others overlook, such as the clutter on the kitchen counter, whether my dog will embarrass himself in obedience class, or the dread that my partner might perish in a car accident during his commute home. My mind races with fears about illnesses affecting my children and the constant threat of the flu.
However, the most prominent issue I face is social anxiety, which extends to my interactions online. Platforms like Facebook can be overwhelming, as they often amplify my fears about the state of the world. The news fills me with anxiety, whether it involves global conflicts, humanitarian crises, or disturbing stories of violence against women. The ongoing discussions around #MeToo only add to my distress, highlighting the pervasive issues we face.
But while I sew, I find solace from these triggers. On social media, I can escape the barrage of alarming headlines and gossip about celebrities. I can browse Pinterest for sewing patterns without feeling the pressure to engage with others.
So, I immersed myself in sewing. My partner would grade papers while the kids played, their energy filling the house with chaos. They had enjoyed a day of homeschooling and outdoor fun, so why should I worry? They were happy, and I found a reprieve from the relentless demands of parenting. My sewing projects piled up, and I lost track of time.
Yet, I recognized that I was sewing excessively. I missed spending time with my kids, even as my partner would encourage my sewing by suggesting I stay home while he took them to the park. He understood how much it helped me.
If I wasn’t sewing, I would throw myself into books. I can devour a novel in a single day when the urge strikes, and anxiety often fuels my desire to escape into a different world. My in-laws gifted me a compelling biography about the British royals, and I found myself sneaking away to read about their tumultuous lives and complicated relationships.
I often abandoned my family for moments of isolation because they heightened my anxiety. I felt overwhelmed by their noise and demands while navigating an unfamiliar environment. I would chew on my cuticles until I discovered a book, providing me with the distraction I craved.
This experience is far from unique. Many individuals living with anxiety, whether on medication or not, find ways to cope, often by immersing themselves in a single obsession, sometimes to the detriment of other aspects of their lives. I have memorized entire musicals, crocheted everything from baby hats to blankets, and committed myself to attachment parenting, all in an effort to redirect my anxious thoughts. These pursuits have provided a much-needed focus away from the overwhelming feelings that can sometimes leave me paralyzed.
However, these obsessions can lead to overspending on supplies, whether it’s yarn for crocheting, books for reading, or even fabric for my sewing projects. Right now, I’m accumulating fabric from thrift stores and buying trimmings, which adds up quickly.
I do occasionally feel a pang of guilt for missing out on moments with my kids. Thankfully, my oldest has expressed an interest in learning to sew, and we plan to embark on a quilting project together.
Still, I realize that I may be avoiding deeper issues. I need to process my feelings regarding the societal challenges highlighted by #MeToo and confront the emotions surrounding our current political climate. I should engage in meaningful civic actions rather than retreat into my sewing room to escape reality. I need to understand why social media triggers me and develop strategies to manage my anxiety rather than simply sewing my worries away.
Yet, my sewing machine remains a source of comfort. Its rhythmic hum and the precision of each stitch provide a sense of order amid the chaos of the world. Right now, that structure and focus are what I need to navigate my daily life.
In summary, while my sewing obsession offers temporary relief from anxiety, it also highlights the importance of addressing underlying feelings and fears. The balance between coping mechanisms and genuine engagement with life’s challenges is crucial for my well-being.
For those interested in exploring home insemination options, various resources are available. Check out this excellent blog post for more information, or visit Make a Mom for essential kits. You can also find valuable insights at Rmany regarding pregnancy and home insemination.